


Blank Space

by ALarkInTheSky



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-24 21:57:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2597861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALarkInTheSky/pseuds/ALarkInTheSky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Commander Shepard and Gunnery Sergeant Alenko find themselves staring each other down on a drill pad, the drill team watching in horror, they both come to the same realization:</p><p>Their world would never be the same ever again.</p><p>(AU College ROTC fanfic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a College ROTC AU. I am writing it because I know that if I ever want to read this as a fanfic that I am going to have to write it myself... This is also for the NaNoWritMo, so when I post there is going to be lots of grammar and spelling errors because I'm trying to hit 50,000 words by the end of November, and I'm a couple thousand words behind where I should be right now /.\

Sitting alone in her office, Commander Shepard continued to put together her activity for her second year Cadets. Though she was shy when it came to anything outside of teaching her students, she sure knew how to press cadets’ buttons and make them drop. Unlike her first year cadets, who knew when to drop out because it wasn’t for them or they knew they wouldn’t get far… Her second year cadets who had made it through their first year didn’t know when to give up. This was when she stepped in for the Officers and Enlisted members under her command that mainly taught the first and second year classes. Though it wasn’t exactly kosher what she did to get cadets to drop, it was effective and got those who didn’t have the strength nor the will to handle her and her games and activities to drop out and leave her and her co-workers with only the best of the best to send to leadership camp.  
It was something Shepard was good at. In her time as a Commander in the Navy she was forced to make decisions no human being should ever have to make. It was for this fact that she knew how to make the hard decisions for her cadets and pressed he needed buttons to get rid of the weak, and the cadets that she didn’t feel wouldn’t make good officers in the military. Especially since she was who she was, she was expected to only put out the best of the best- which was a standard that she was more than willing to hold to.  
“Shepard,” She heard a familiar voice as she looked out from her work. It was seven at night, and she was still in her office at the college campus, “Isn’t it a little late to be at work?”  
She looked up, closing her composition note book with all her notes about the cadets and what ruffled their feathers.  
“It isn’t that late; you and I both know that I have stayed later to make sure that everything is in order, sir.” She added as she stood up, notebook in hand as she grabbed her cap.  
“You work too hard, Shepard.” He sighed as he still stood in the threshold of her door, which was his silent way off telling her that it was time for her to go home and relax.  
“Sir, with all due respect, I am the commanding officer of this unit and I need to give a good example to the men and woman who serve under me.”  
Anderson shook his head as she walked past him, cap under her arm as she walked out into her classroom.  
The room it’s self wasn’t anything like more classes that students sat in for lectures. The main room that most cadets walked into was huge, square, and contained a drill pad. To each side of the drill pad where the classrooms- but they were only accessible from that main room, which was the drill pad. Off course each of those rooms there like any other lecture hall; filled with seats and desks, and big enough that it could hold about a hundred students. Staring at her drill pad she sighed, her jaw tightening. This year she was in charge of her unit’s drill team, which she wasn’t sure where that was an honor, or a curse. Just staring at the drill pad made her dread the start of the fall semester when the drill classes would start.  
Noticing her reaction her old friend laughed, patting her shoulder.  
“Relax, Shepard. Go home and get some sleep. Go out and drink. Something- anything to relax… all right?”  
Sighing she nodded, putting on her cap as she walked outside with her old commanding officer. There wasn’t much more she could do for the night, especially when her old friend is coming to drag her off the job. What she would do to relax? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she was looking forward to getting to her bike and listening to the engine as she rode home; that simple sound was surprisingly soothing to the commander, and it was something that she would never be able to explain.  
Going her separate way from Anderson she walked out to the end of the parking lot where she always parked her car, wanting a quick escape out to the main road of the city, wanting nothing more than to get out on main street and drive all the way out to the skirt of the town where her small, plain house in which she was renting was at. Sure she had the option to live on the base nearby, but living in the city- no matter how small it was, seemed more appealing to her than trying to deal with the hustle and bustle of base life. Shepard had enough of chow halls, hangers, and gate guards to last her a life time. Shuttering at the thought of that life she started her engine, smiling to herself as she listened to the purr that came off of her Harley.  
Kicking the kick stand back she reeved the engine as she speed out of the campus parking lot, making and turn towards main street. The streets this late at night were busy with students getting out of class or heading to work- which was the only downside of Citadel; it was a college town full of young, eager minds. Eager minds who didn’t always know how to drive. Taking a back way to main street she took a left, getting out onto main street after trying to force her way into traffic when a student she recognized from the college pulling out in front of her.

 

Speeding down the highway, nothing but her uniform and her cap on, she felt strangely safe- at home even as she listened to the rumble of her engine. Going faster she speed out of the city limits, past even the skirts of the small college town of Citadel that she lived in her station. All she wanted was the wind against her face, the purr of her engine, and the freedom of the road as she drove down the canyon with no destination.  
This was her favorite part of living out in almost the middle of nowhere, up in the mountains where she was still able to get a view along with the solitude. The idea of solitude gave her a sense of freedom she had never had. Tensing as she only started to speed faster through the canyon, she let the wind pick of her memories and worries for another night as she felt all of them lift off her shoulders.  
To her dismay, the ride through the canyon ended almost as soon as it started- having gone too fast to enjoy the mountainous scenery around her. Driving into town she pulled into the nearby market place, parking and checking her phone to make sure she hadn’t anything form Anderson or Joker. Seeing nothing she sighed, shoving her phone back into her side pocket in her BDU bottoms, and got back on the high way so she could go home and try to relax without staying up all night.  
The ride back home to her wasn’t as freeing. All her thoughts came back to her that she had shoved out of the way as she drove down the canyon. Now that she was going back into the canyon she felt her scar start to burn as the cold air rush against it- every memory flooding back to her as she clenched her jaw. Though she hated the idea of it, she knew exactly what she would be doing when she got homed. Knowing this fact she at least thanked whatever higher power existed that she wasn’t scheduled to teach any classes for the next day. Sure she would probably be there anyway to make sure that the cadets’ were staying in line- figuratively- and trying to find more diplomatic ways of kicking students out of the sophomore and junior classes.  
Noticing her house on the edge of town she slowed down to speed limit, pulling over to the left side of the lane before pulling into her drive way and driving her bike into the barn on the property. Once all was taken care of and her bike, which she loving named ‘Normandy’ after the battle on Normandy during World War II.  
Though Shepard never wanted to admit it, she loved history; it was all simple stories about ordinary people- and it was a good lesson of what not to repeat in the future. Of course, Shepard liked to learn from her mistakes, and the mistakes of others’ before her so that she could in fact but a good name out and a good example for fellow service men and woman to follow.  
Walking out of the barn, adjusting her cap, she looked out at the night sky. The night sky was brighter than usual- being full of stars since the air wasn’t polluted with as many lights as it generally was in the major cities that she had been to recently for work. Enjoying it for a moment she headed inside, hanging her cap up next to the door on a hook before she started to take her blouse off, and handing it up before walking to the kitchen to grab her pain pills, grabbing a bottle of Jack as she walked towards the living room and turned on the History channel..  
Taking her regular dose of Ibuprofen 800mg she chased it with her bottle of Jack, shaking her head as she felt a shiver go down her spine. If that horrid combination didn’t kill the pain and headaches her scare brought on, she wasn’t sure what would help her survive the night and get some sleep before having to wake-up tomorrow and starting her normal routine. Or at least as close to her normal routine as she could get being on cloud nine, full of meds and buzzed off of Jack Daniels. Definitely a deadly mix, but she honestly didn’t care as she watched a program about some tomb in Egypt that had recently been discovered.  
Usually she would have more interest in a program like this, but almost as soon as she turned on the TV she felt herself start to drift off into a comfortably numb state that she called sleep now a days. It was almost the only way the commander could ever get sleep anymore. In this state the nightmares that followed her from battle no longer chased after her- it was if she was care free and nothing wrong had ever happened in her life. Of course it was accompanied by a massive headache in the morning, a hangover, and a long; cold shower to wake herself up before another day of work as normal.  
Groaning as she woke-up she looked at the clock and sighed. Two am. It was only two am. Shaking her head, which made her head throb, she got up and staggered to her bedroom to take a shower, still half asleep and hung over from her mix of prescription drugs and alcohol.  
All she could think of was her want for the cold water against her skin to help her wake up a she tore off her shirt, undoing her bra and tossing it in the sink before battling with her belt so that she could actually take her shower. It took a bit but she finally won the battle, forcing her pant sand underwear as she stepped into the shower. Tensing as the initial first hit of cold water made her shiver.  
“God, I’m never going to get any sleep… Ever…” she mumbled to herself as she waited for a bit, letting the water drench her skin before turning the heat up ever so slightly once she was awake.  
Scrubbing her skin absentmindedly she closed her eyes, letting the shower fill the room with steam. It wasn’t until the water got above lukewarm that she realized that she realized she had started to scrub her skin raw. Wincing she turned the water down again before washing her hair. Washing her hair was one of the only soothing things about the shower for her- it always had been; it reminded the commander of her childhood when she still lived in Mindoir- which was long ago before she lost her family.  
Running her finger through her long, dark brown hair she let out a sigh. It definitely wasn’t in content, but it also certainly wasn’t due to the feelings she got from remembering that life. Turning off the water she got out of the shower, reaching for her towel to dry herself off as she hummed to herself slightly. Being even slightly hung over made her bolder then she usually was, it also was the only way she ever could be forced into karaoke.  
With that fact I mind, when Shepard was drunk, or even slightly hung over while at home she would catch herself humming or singing in the shower. That morning was no different than any other time as she walked out and into her bedroom to get dressed.  
Grabbing a white t-shirt and some torn jeans she pulled them on, not bothering with a bra because she knew she could get away with it without anyone noticing that she was in fact bra-less. To complete her being absolutely lazy she put on her slippers before walking into the kitchen. Grabbing breakfast she ate quickly before heading out to the barn to get heading to work.  
Sure it was only four in the morning, but Shepard knew that the drill team was supposed to have early morning today with Jenkins before he was to be re-stationed to another unit. She wanted to take advantage of being able to see her drill team’s skill before taking over for the Corporal.  
Pulling her bike out of the barn she got him started up as she rolled her shoulders. Though she was out cold for a good couple of hours she was tense, more so then usual. This simple fact was something she shook off before checking both the right and left side of the road before pulling out of her dirt drive was and drove north towards Citadel and the college, her mind anywhere but on the road as she followed what little traffic there was that early in the morning.  
Much to her surprise the team hadn’t show up to the school by the time she got there.  
“Hopefully Jenkins has a good reason as to why the team isn’t here early…” she mumbled, parking her bike before jogging inside to the ROTC building, walking across the drill pad to her office so she could continue her work- her notebook from yesterday in hand as she continued to write out ideas on how to get the weaker cadets to drop the program before she had to kick them out.  
Though Shepard believed in giving people a chance to show their colors and prove what they were worth, she had a job and she had to do it. Most commanding officers in the program let their cadet’s flunk out of leadership school between their sophomore and junior year. Of course she wanted only the bet to go to leadership Camp; she wanted all of them to come back so she would be able to have the honor of pushing all of her cadets that made it past leadership school on to be an officer for the Alliance military.  
As the commander continued to work she heard the laughing of cadets as the came in, filling the main room with their noise. It only got louder as each of the teams filed in. They had an armed team, an unarmed team, and a saber team- all of which were nationally ranked above all over schools.  
Walking out onto the drill pad Shepard looked at her group of cadets’, a slight smile on her face. She took pride in their achievements, she just hoped that she would be able to help the fill those shoes  
“Good morning, Ma’am!” one of the cadets smiled, waving at her as all of armed team looked at the student and scoffed.  
“Freshmen...” one of them mumbled as her head snapped in their general direction.  
“I would watch your tongue,” she stated bluntly, her tone showing her irritation as she eyebrows furled, “you were a freshman once, were you not?”  
The student tensed as she walked up to him. He instantly became uncomfortable as Shepard smiled mentally to herself. Her armed team members weren’t exactly what she was expecting.  
“Just because you are a member of armed team doesn’t make you any better than anyone else,” she added before staring all three teams down, “if I hear one more comment like that I will make you all wish you were in Hell Week.” She hissed, referencing that one week in basic that tested most Marines more than any other week during basic.  
She could feel their collective shiver as Jenkins entered the room, saluting his commanding officer.  
“Good Morning, Commander Shepard.” He smiled, “what is the occasion? I didn’t think you would grace us with your presence until later on this afternoon.”  
She nodded slightly, “I couldn’t sleep. It’s a good idea to get used to being here for early mornings after all… Seeing as I take over your spot in a week.” She reminded him as she rested her hands behind her back in parade rest.  
Well none the less it’s an honor to have you join us this morning, commander.”  
She nodded in response before moving off the drill pad and pulled up a chair from the table they used for Top Staff meetings. The cadets seemed tense because she was in the room. She did have to say they performed decently for being und3er pressure as their senior commanding officer watched them.  
The commander didn’t take her eyes off of her team that was practicing on the drill pad- not once.  
That is until a student walked into class late.  
As they stared at each other she could feel the eyes of the other students, who had paused their drill routine the second they felt the tension in the air between the late student whom none of them had ever seen in their life. Of course this wasn’t a fact that the commander was familiar with as she continued to stare at the student who seem slightly uncomfortable with the fact.  
Her green, almost reptilian, eyes searched his brown once as she tried to decide whether to take command and make them all do push ups as he watched or make him do the ‘green mile’. Both options were good, one of coursed was more towards what one would deal with while in basic, and the other just painful unless the student was in shape.  
Shepard was about to make her final decision as Jenkins finally said something, realizing that the commander was probably sizing him up and figuring out what she wanted to do about him being late.  
“Welcome to your first day of class, Gunner Sergeant Alenko.” Jenkins stated, walking over and standing by Shepard, who of course was still staring the man down.  
Gunnery Sergeant? She thought to herself, couldn’t he just be content with his rank and stay out of my program? I have enough cadets to worry about…  
“Thank you sir.” He smiled slight.  
The sight made her pause, her emerald eyes faltering slightly. The gunnery sergeant didn’t notice at all, which something the commander was very grateful for.  
“You are scheduled for early morning, Alenko, what are you doing here so early?” another one of the instructors asked, heading towards their own office, the regular cup of coffee in hand.  
“I came to figure out where all my classes are, Sir,” he replied, blushing from what Shepard assumed was embarrassment, “This campus is much larger than the unit I was in up north…”  
“Don’t get used to it here.” Shepard threw in as she looked him over.  
He seemed fit enough at least. Alenko could probably make it through the physical part of leadership camp- but how ab out the mental? To her he seemed too nice; his eyes gave it all away. So did his extensive service record.  
“I understand you are well decorated from battle, but that isn’t going to get you anywhere in this program. When I say jump, you ask how high. Understood, Gunny?’  
Gunnery Sergeant Alenko was taken aback by this; he had heard nothing but kind words about the commander from Anderson, who had debriefed him last night about the commander and what was expected in his new ROTC unit. The expectations were nothing different from his last unit, though her standards for staying in the program were a little ridiculous. Now that he was meeting Commander Shepard in person he wasn’t sure how to feel about her.  
And she wasn’t sure how to feel about him. Something drew her in and made her interested in him, that she blamed on his record of service, yet it also made her weary and made her want to get him kicked out or transferred out of the school as fast as possible.  
“Ma’am, with all due respect, from what I have been taught, that isn’t how a commanding officer treats their subordinates… At least not any commander that I’ve seen in the battle field has addressed their subordinates like that outside of a mission...’  
Her nostrils flared slightly as she stood up, eyeing Alenko carefully,  
“You are right, Gunny, my words were… slightly out of line…? But I still demand you stay to this units standards, or you will find yourself reassigned to a new base close to a different college that offers the ROTC program that you are searching for.”  
The student who were on the drill pad stared between Gunnery Sergeant Alenko and their commander in awe, surprised that he was able to get away with pointing out what she was doing wrong. Even she was surprised that she was allowing such a thing out of one of her cadets.  
You’re lucky I respect you, Alenko.  
Heading back into her office she heard Jenkins taking back over the class, setting them back into practicing their drill routine before he started to brief Alenko about the program. Shepard of course could hear it all. Despite all the battles she had been, including The Blitz, she still had better then perfect hearing. Scoffing as she pulled up his records from his previous ROTC she wasn’t surprised to see that he had corrected his commanding officer at his past program once or twice and was written up for it.  
“Kaidan…” she murmured, reading over his name again, sighing as she closed his file and went back to her work; she couldn’t let a single student get under her skin. Especially not a transfer student whom she hardly knew.


	2. Chapter 2

Kaidan was leaned against the table, watching as his fellow cadets as he spaced off slightly. He had been stationed and Pendleton before he deployed. From his deployment he had received word of his new duty station, and wasn’t even on base for an hour after coming home before he was being flown out to Citadel. Though he was now tired, jet lag kicking in, he was much happier to be here then Pendleton.  
This fact was mainly the scenery. Sure any person would love the beach, but something about the mountains- Mountains that weren’t made f sand that is- were calming- serene- majestic. A whole list of things. At least that was the way he saw it.  
Citadel was also a small college town, nice and out of the way were nothing could haunt him.  
When the bell rang, startling him out of his trance, he shook his head before grabbing his bag, walking to the Commanders office.  
“Ma’am?” he asked, knocking on the door.  
“Yes, Gunny?’  
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” He smiled as she looked up, furling her eyebrows.  
This simple action made her scar hurt, also making it more visible- the section of hair out of the way from how her hair fell when it dried. Running her fingers through her hair she offered a smile though it wouldn’t look genuine, which in a way it wasn’t.  
“It’s… My pleasure, Gunny.” She stated, pausing for a moment as she tried to make sure she was being politically correct in saying so; Shepard didn’t want anyone hearing this conversation to take her words the wrong way.  
Last thing the commander wanted or needed was students to spread rumors about her ‘doing’ a student- as the students’ would put it.  
He nodded, looking into her eyes with his own golden brown, “I’ll be back third period… Anything I need before I walk in, Ma’am?’  
“Yes.” She smirked to herself as she thought of one of his classmate, “Williams... She’s a good student, strong willed, and definitely not the best with her words… She’ll probably come off blunt, Gunny, but don’t take offense to her… If you can handle that… I think you will handle my combat strategy class just fine.”  
“I think I can manage that, Commander.” He stated, giving her the same smile that made her stop and her train of focus complete crash.  
“Then I look forward to seeing you third period, Gunny.”

Alenko walked down the hall to his first class, which most people that took it joked and called Brain Camp. Of course unlike most of the student who working with more up-to-date tech, he stayed back at the L2 update, not c comfortable with upgrading. He didn’t even want to be in the class in all honesty, but due to what he wanted to major in he was required to attend the class.  
Looking at all of the students around him as he took his seat he thought he saw an old friend from his freshman year, which was years before he had actually enlisted and left after the incident at his last school. Gunny knew that it couldn’t be Rahna; last he knew she was already graduated from school- and probably long since forgot him.  
Shaking it off he pulled out his laptop to take notes, hoping to all things holly that he wouldn’t have to explain to the teacher why he still had the L2 and refused to upgrade. With most people it was a heated discussion as to why one should or shouldn’t upgrade their equipment. Most tried to argue that it had extremely negative effects on the body and mind. Alenko on the other hand only got horrible headaches that he had learned to deal with at a young age when he was given the L2 upgrade.  
“Good Morning, Class-,” that was about as normal as the class got as the teacher instantly went into the history of the program, and started to tell them about each upgrade.  
Alenko ignored the entire class, knowing he could pass it with flying colors. Sure it wasn’t an actually good excuse to ignore his teacher and what they had to say, but he couldn’t actually concentrate from his lack of sleep. That and those eyes.  
It was weird to think that he was distracted by the image of Shepard’s eyes… but they were a color of emerald that he never imaged could exist in the world- that is until their little staring contest that morning.  
“Kaidan… Kaidan? ALENKO” the teacher raised her voice as she glared at him.  
Jolting awake he didn’t even realized he had in fact fallen asleep as he thought about the commander and her eyes. Blushing he sat up in his chair.  
“Yes ma’am?” he asked, slightly flustered. A light tinge of pink across his cheeks.  
“I would mind not falling asleep in my class…” the t4eacher mumbled before looking at the door, “class ending twenty minutes ago and I can’t leave you alone in my class while I go to my meeting, Kaidan.”  
Tensing he looked up at the clock before closing his laptop, quickly putting it away as she started to blush, only becoming more flustered as he remember that his third period was the commanders class. Oh Gods did he wish he had heard that bell went off; last think Alenko needed was to get on the commander’s bad side.  
What would his father think?  
“Sorry ma’am, it won’t happen again!’ he called as he ran out of her class and down the hall.  
Pushing the doors open to the outside of the building he was at he sprinted across campus, knowing by the time he got there that her class was going to be half over. This shouldn’t have upset him as much as it did- genuinely there was no reason for it; he was enlisted and she was his commander- but it did.  
Catching his breath as one of his headaches kicked in e felt the urge to puke as a=he rested at the top of the hill. To his surprise he could hear people laughing, giggling, and whisperfeing. Looking up he saw the commander glaring at him, which only added to his embarrassment.  
“Late for class, Alenko?” she asked.  
Her strong, masculine-feminine voice saying his name sounded almost too sweet for his ears as his cheeks tinged a dark color of red.  
“Ma’am I can explain-“  
“No need. Go inside and wait in my Office, Alenko.” She stated.  
This was the commander’s lame excuse to get him off his feet and to get him some rest. At least in her office she knew that the poor Gunnery Sergeant could get some sleep and recover from the jet lag.  
Student starting to laugh and whisper more as he gave her a defeated look, walking into the ROTC building without a word before disappearing into her office. Setting his bag next to her door he sat in the hair across from her desk.  
The room it’s self was quite plain. The walls were white- reminding him of the walls of an insane asylum, and the carpet was a dull brown. It almost made him feel as if he was there for a meeting with his commander, not being scolded for not being to class on time. Shepard’s desk was probably the liveliest part of the room. It had a picture of her and her old squad that had been in The Blitz with her, and a shadow box with her medals and ribbons in it. There was also a calendar placed on the middle of her desk, a pen laying on it next to some notes that had been taken on some day far in the future. He assumed those were plans for the program.  
As he eyed her medals he felt his eyelid start to drop, his mind moving into a surprisingly comfortable state as he relaxed back into the chair. He was pretty sure the commander would have his head on a stake if she caught him sleeping in her office, so he fought with all hi might to stay awake, but lost the battle after letting out a single yawn. With that he was out, his head still throbbing from his headache as his mind went blank.  
Alenko didn’t generally dream, and when he did they were always nightmares. No one knew as to why that was, but he had been cursed with only nightmares ever since he was a child, an only got worse when he went to college and had to attend ‘brain camp’, and as most expected, after joining the military and deploying. Things like those changed a man, and it wasn’t always for the better.  
Continuing to sleep, Alenko didn’t notice as Commander Shepard entered her office, chuckling as she left her office door open and sat down at her desk. Yes, she was shy, painfully shy, but she knew when her men needed a good ‘nights’ rest, which could really come to them at any time. This was one of those instances that no matter how uncomfortable it made her feel she was strangely okay with it. At least he would get rest, and she would get the chance to interrogate him and figure out exactly what he wanted out of the program.  
By the time Alenko woke up it was almost five pm, and all of Shepard’s work for the day was done. With that fact stated, she stayed in her office anyway, door open, so that he could get sleep and not get himself into an accident because he fell asleep at the wheel. Though the commander came off harsh and uncaring, so did actually care. She just didn’t wish the responsibilities of being a commanding officer on anyone who didn’t have the will power and the mental strength to handle having to make the hard decisions- especially where those decisions could be which part of your team to save and what part of your team had to be left behind.  
Watching him, though it seemed weird to do so, she sighed, pulling out her blanket that she always kept in the closet of her office with her extra uniform. It was the blanket she was given by her commanding officer when she graduated N7 school, and had kept it with her ever since. It was her version of a security blanket. As Shepard walked towards Alenko she noticed him move, groaning in his sleep as she tried not to laugh. Draping the blanket over him she walked out of her office to make herself coffee in her college’s office. Shepard didn’t generally drink coffee, but seeing Gunny asleep made her feel tired.  
As she moved back into her office he noticed Alenko sitting up, looking over her blanket with a smile.  
“Nice blanket, Commander Shepard… I didn’t think you’d need a security blanket.” He teased, a slight smile pulling at his lips as she blushed.  
“I don’t need a security blanket… I just get cold in here..” she, mumbled as she sat back down at her desk, drinking her coffee as she fidgeted- moving her picture and shadow box to a different place ever so slightly.  
Alenko noticed this and smiled to himself moving in his seat. He never imagined that he would see the commander in this sort of state; it seemed unbefitting of her, yet kind of cute.  
“You seem… Uneasy, Commander.” He stated gently as she looked at her, those green eyes pulling him in, “It’s not something I expected out of you.”  
Upon hearing those words she tensed. It made it sound as if she hadn’t been meeting his expectations of what she would be- if he had any at all that is.  
“What are you saying, Alenko..?”  
“You seem… shy…~” he observed with a smirk as her face turned a brighter shade of red.  
“You’re bright, Alenko... I think you’ll last here.” She mumbled, taking another sip of her coffee as Alenko just laughed at that. Scooting his chair forward he gave a smile, “So what did we learn in class today?”  
“Nothing; we were goofing off waiting for you,” she lied as she started to find something else to do.  
Alenko raised an eyebrow, his smirk only getting wider as he scooted forward again. This made Shepard antsy as she shifted in her chair, finding paperwork for the competition she needed to sign and get everything in order for. Shepard looked instantly at ease once she found this; it gave her a way out of trying to make conversation with the Gunnery Sergeant that was now sitting in her office.  
“You miss me, Commander…?”  
“No.” she stated flatly, “it was a joke, Alenko.”  
Shepard cracked a slight smile as she continued to fill out all the paperwork they would need for drill competition finance wise. Of course she would have to go through all the information again to make sure everything was correct and exactly what she wanted out of it. As she continued her work she didn’t even notice Alenko looking at what she was doing from across the desk; she was just continuing work as normal. Surprisingly she was also comfortable around him, which was why she didn’t notice him invading her bubble.  
“So the drill team…. I hear they are top in nation.” He stated as he looked at her.  
He only got a nod in response as she continued to fill out the stack of paperwork the administration at the school had given her. Shepard had never imaged that in all of her life she would turn into a paper pusher. Of all things that was the last thing she ever wanted. Yet here she was, filling out paperwork to keep the unit a float and still running like a well-oiled machine. Alenko huffed at this, slumping back into his chair as he snuggled into her blanket. Shepard looked up at him once he stopped paying attention to her and smiled at his reaction. Shepard couldn’t help but find it at least slightly adorable.  
“So… Alenko, where do you come from?” She asked absent-mindedly, still doing her work.  
Noticing him tense she looked back up at him as her emerald eyes locked with his golden brown.  
“I don’t really like talking about my family,” he stated gently as he looked down, breaking eye contact, “my father and I… well, we don’t really get along; I haven’t exactly met his expectations yet.”  
Setting her pen down Shepard looked at him, a sad look on her face.  
“I’m sure you will meet those expectations, Alenko… between your service record and being just who you are, you will make him proud.” Shepard stated gently, her head tilted slightly as she watched him.  
Raising his head he looked up at her and smiled, “Thanks, commander… I needed that.”  
“No problem, Gunny.” She smiled, going back to her work as Alenko stood up and folded her blanket.  
Shepard assumed he was going to leave and go home, but was surprised when he sat on the edge of her desk, smiling down at her.  
“So where are you from, Commander Shepard?”  
Tensing she gripped at her pen.  
“Have you not heard my history, Alenko..? I’ve had enough students ask me about what it was like I thought everyone knew.”  
“Ma’am, with all due respect, I have in fact read about you- but that was studying about war strategy at my old school. It never went into what you were like and your past.”  
“Well, Gunny, that story is for another day when I know that I can trust you more.” She stated gently as she felt a hand on her shoulder.  
“You’ll trust me someday, commander, I promise.” He smiled before moving off of Shepard’s desk and walked out of the class room.  
All she could do was watch him as he left, her eyes lingering at the threshold of her door as she took in a deep breath. Shepard couldn’t pin what it was about him, but something about him made her want to talk- to want to trust him with her life in ways she never even trusted her squad mates. Maybe it was the way Alenko acted verses everyone else- maybe it was because she felt alone. If loneliness was the issue she had plenty of people who would willingly be a hook up for her at any time. Whatever the reason was she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.  
What Shepard did know was that she couldn’t spend time with him liked that again.  
1\. He was her subordinate. Shepard being not only his commanding officer in the ROTC unit, but a officer over him as a serviceman.  
2\. He was her student. What teacher gets close to their students like that?  
The idea of that just made her want to scrub her skin raw for even thinking like that…  
3\. Shepard didn’t do well with people for one simple fact; she was afraid to lose them. What was the point of making friends and starting relationships of any kind when they all end up failing or end with the person walking away?  
Shaking her head the commander put her things away before standing up and grabbing her keys. It was well past the time for her to leave, and she was pretty sure if she stayed for much longer that Anderson would hunt her down and ask why in God’s name she was still at the school and not at home relaxing. Laughing as she thought of it, she smiled. Anderson in a way had become the father she never actually had. He even for some strange reason found a way to step down as the commanding officer of the ROTC unit so that she could have her chance at it. Shepard wasn’t exactly sure as to why he felt that she should have that experience, but he did- and that wasn’t something that she was going to battle and see as to why he was doing it.  
Over the years Commander Shepard had learned a couple things, the most important being not to question her commanding officer- especially not Anderson. Questioning Anderson was like getting into a ‘why’ battle with a two year old who wanted to know why and how everything worked. In that situation no one ever won, and Shepard understood that. There was especially no winning in a why battle with Anderson; he always found his way around thing and found a way into guilt tripping you into it. It was an amazing talent of his that she knew that she would never be able to understand. Shepard wasn’t even sure that she wanted to understand how he was able to do it.  
Almost as if on cue to show up, Anderson appeared as she rounded the corner, causing her to jump.  
“Good evening commander.” He stated, hands behind his back in parade rest, “How do you like your new student? I requested him specifically for the nearby base.”  
“You are the reason I have another person to babysit, Anderson?” she asked, instantly becoming flustered.  
“Yes, Shepard; he’s a good man with an amazing record. He might as well come to the best school for the program he needs, correct?”  
“I can’t promise he will make it through camp, Anderson.” She stated bluntly, pushing past him as she headed back outside so that she could go home.  
Unfortunately this was where her battle of ‘why’ with a two year old began. No one ever wanted this battle with Anderson; especially not her. Almost as if on cue he followed the commander out to her car as she tensed, feeling the battle starting as she frowned.  
“Shepard, he is a good cadet- and even better service man.”  
“I understand that, Anderson…” she mumbled, wanting this conversation to end, and quick.  
“Help him, please Shepard? He could use a good mentor.”  
“Mentor? Really, Anderson? Me, a mentor? I am a commanding officer, not a mentor. I lead, not teach.”  
“Then learn, Shepard.” He stated bluntly as he grabbed her arm, “I put you in charge for a reason; now don’t fail me now.”  
With that Anderson let go of her arm and walked out to his car. She couldn’t help but stare after him, mentally throwing fire balls at her commanding officer, as she crossed her arms.  
Then learn. Then freaking learn.  
Who the heck did he think he was?  
Your commanding officer…?  
Sighing Shepard finally gave up on the fireballs, knowing it wouldn’t actually work, as she walked over to her Harley and got ready to go home. All she wanted was a warm meal and the history channel. God did just watching TV and not paying attention to the world sound like an absolutely awesome idea. That or going to the bar. One of the two sounded like a great idea, and she was leaning towards the bar.  
Starting her bike she revved the engine, loving the sound of her Harley’s purr, before peeling out of the parking lot as fast a she could so that she could go home and eat before deciding whether it would be a night of booze and sleazy partnerships, or a night in watching the history channel as she ate ice cream.


	3. Chapter 3

Sitting at the bar Shepard took in a deep breath. The place was roaring, music blaring as people drank and danced their lives away. Shepard of course didn't dance; she never learned how to.  
Looking over she noticed a pool table open up. Smiling to herself she moved to play pool. Though she loved the game, she didn't want to play with anyone she didn't know this was due to Shepard being shy.  
"Commander?" She tensed as she heard his voice.  
Of all places for her to run into him, it had to be here. At a bar. a bar. She couldn't get over the fact it was at bar.  
"Yes, Alenko...?" She asked as she looked up at him, her emerald eyes looking him over. Seeing him something other than a uniform seemed weird to her as she finally looked at his face.  
"You mind if I play with you...?" he asked gently, giving her that cute smile as he grabbed a cue stick as he walked over to her.  
“By the looks of it I don’t have much choice...” she mumbled as she moved, setting the table before looking at him.  
“Ladies first, Commander.” He nodded towards the pool table to let her know that she got to take the first shot.  
Sighing Shepard leaned over, eyeing the cue ball before hitting the cue tip against it as hard as she could to get all the pool balls spread out as Alenko eyed her every move. Watching as the two of the solid balls, yellow 1; and green 6, went into separate pockets Shepard smiled at Alenko.  
“Looks like I’m solids, Gunny.” She stated, standing back up as she eyed him, “let’s see if you can beat me.’  
“Is that a challenge, Commander?’  
‘What do you think, Alenko?” she smirked as he looked at her in shock.  
Walking around the table Alenko looked for an opportunity to try and not only get a stripe in, but mess her up in the process. Though he believed pool was a game of luck, there was also a lot of strategy to the game. Finally figuring out what he wanted to do he hit the cue into one of his stripes, which nocked the solids around it out of the way of pockets and landing him 13. Watching the orange stripe ball go into the pocket with ease he smiled as Shepard looked over the pool table.  
Sure, there wasn’t many options for her thanks to Alenko, but Shepard knew that she could win this battle with ease. The war however would be a different story since she didn’t see Alenko as the type to just let her win. This was going to be long and found out until one of them finally got down to the black 8 ball- which she wasn’t planning on letting him.  
Bedding over the pool table in almost the most awkward way ever, the cue stick behind her back, she took a shot, moving his stripes- not getting single ball in.  
“Was that what you meant to do, Commander?” Alenko asked, trying not to laugh as he watched her awkwardly move to stand back up.  
“Don’t chastise me, Gunny. I know what I am doing.”  
“I have three years of playing time on you, Commander.” He smiled, moving next to her as he took a shot, hitting two more stripes in.  
As Shepard watched both the blue and the purple stripes go in, her orange solid moving close to one of the corners. Taking in a deep breath she elbowed him, which earned a laugh out of Alenko as he moved out of her way.  
“You know commander… I could give you a couple pointers if you want...~’  
“Over my dead body, Alenko; I know how to play pool…” she sighed, easily hitting the solid range go into the pocket.  
Alenko just chuckle, his hand sliding over her waist slightly as he walked past her. This one simple action sent a shiver down the commanders back as she glared at him.  
“Whatever you say, commander…” he smiled before taking another shot, hitting in the brown stripe ball.  
Sighing she moved, hitting the bottom of the cue ball hard enough that it bounce, hitting the solid red and purple solid balls in, the green stripe moving too close to the left middle pocket for her own comfort as she tensed, only sighing with relief once it stopped moving.  
“You are too tense for your own good, Shepard. Relax; it’s just a game.” He stated before hitting the green stripe into its pocket.  
The both paused as they looked at each other, they both only had two balls left and the 8 ball. This was that defining moment where it was no longer luck, but skill, that decided who was going to win this game.  
“How about we make this interesting, Alenko,” she stated, leaning over the table as she looked at him, “If I win you tell me why you chose here of all places to be the defining moment you make your father proud by being an officer.”  
“And if I win…?”  
“Then you get to ask me one question and I will actually answer it.” She stated, hitting the cue ball into the blue solid ball which shot across the table, hitting a wall before hitting into the corner of the pocket and rolling away.  
Cussing under her breath she looked over at Alenko.  
“Deal, but I’m pretty sure you won’t be hearing about my issues with my father tonight, commander.”  
She stuck her tongue out at him, which earned a blush out of Alenko as he took his shot, the red stripe ball going straight into the corner pocket as Shepard swore under her breath. Last thing she wanted was to answer any of his questions; she didn’t exactly trust him yet, though some part of her strangely wanted to.  
“You’re turn, Shepard.” He smiled as she sighed.  
“God do I need another drink…” she mumbled to herself as she took her shot, missing again as she tensed up slightly.  
Alenko noticed her tense and handed her his beer.  
“Hopefully you don’t like bitch beer, because this is hard liquor, commander...” Alenko stated as Shepard took it willingly. The drink at least would get her drunk enough by the end of this that she would actually be able to keep the end of her deal without feeling like she was going to have a freak out moment over it.  
Taking another shot she missed- again. Alenko walked up behind her, setting his cue stick to the side before standing behind her.  
“Commander, how about you try one more shot and I’ll help, all right..?” Alenko asked, hands on her hips as she looked back at him surprised as hell  
“Alenko-“  
“Just trust me commander.” He stated before he moved, holding the cue stick where she was holding it as he moved them, aiming as he assisted her in hitting the cue ball into both of her solids- hitting both the blue and brown solids into the top right pocket. Smiling to himself he pulled away, “see, it’ not too hard, commander… You just needed to trust me enough to let me help you.”  
Shepard looked back at him, her skin crawling with goose bumps, as he pulled away and picked his cue stick back up.  
She could feel all eyes on them after that as other service members eyed them, and even student who she didn’t realize were there as Alenko took his shot, hitting the eight ball into the bottom left hand corner on accident.  
“I think you lost, Gunnery Sergeant.” She stated, smiling as she looked at him.  
He just gave her that cute, shy smile as he look down.  
“I.. I gue4ss I did.” He stated as he started walking towards the bar, sitting down as Shepard followed after him.  
She could see how tense and nervous Alenko was. The last thing she wanted was to make him feel nervous. Resting a hand on his shoulder she sighed.  
“You don’t have to tell me about your dad if you don’t want, Alenko… I just like to get to know my men.”  
“On a persona level like that? Isn’t that a little weird, commander?”  
“Not if it is part of what makes you tick, Gunny…” she admitted, “If you understand your servicemen and women, then you know what their limits are and how far you can push them, Alenko.”  
He nodded, ordering another drink before looking over at her.  
“My father serviced in the military, and I joined to make him proud, commander… I have won medals, saved lives- almost died while deployed, and it seems nothing makes him proud of me… I wanted to go to school any way, but Anderson told me about the college here in Citadel, and I knew this was where I wanted to go.” He admitted before taking his shot and downing his drink, shaking his head, “I didn’t know you were the commander of the program until I looked at the schedule I was mailed by the school while I was on the plane from Pendleton and saw your name.”  
“Let me guess, you thought it was Anderson?”  
He nodded as he looked down at his glass.  
“That’s a normal assumption since he likes to recruit servicemen into coming to our program for school; especially since we go ROTC for all four branches at our school.” She stated, patting his back, Alenko?”  
“Yes, ma’am?” he asked gently.  
“I know you will make your father proud someday; you seem like a good man, and an even better servicemen. You will make a great officer someday- if you can make it past me and my class that is.”  
Alenko raised an eyebrow, the challenge accepted as he smiled.  
“Is that another challenge commander?”  
“Maybe it is, Alenko, Maybe it is.” She smiled back, patting his back again before ordering another drink.

 

Waking up at her own house Shepard groaned as she felt her hang over- the urge to puke kicking in the second she sat up. Heading to go to her bathroom she started the shower before raising her toilet seat, bracing herself just in case as that urge turned into more and she did actually end up puking her guts out that morning because she drank too much the night before.  
Hell, she couldn’t even remember much of the night before as she got into the shower, letting the warm water rush over her skin as she shivered. Her body felt like it was on fire for some strange reason. Shepard wasn’t sure she even want to know why as she started to wash her body, taking her time so that she could actually enjoy her shower.  
It was about nine in the morning and all she wanted was food- and maybe a little more- but mainly food a she continued to clean her skin, her hands moving the bar of soap down her toned stomach and down her thighs. Once her bod was clean she proceeded to clean her hair.  
Shepard knew what type of drunk she was. Unlike a lot of servicemen she knew, who were either happy or angry drunks, she was a very- VERY- sexual drunk. Usually on adventures like last night she would have brought someone home, or ending up leaving early in the morning from someone else’s house after a one night stand. This didn’t scare her at all, actually she didn’t mind it too much; if it could get her to relax it was better than nothing.  
Once she was all cleaned up Shepard went to her room, getting dressed before walking out to her kitchen. Surprisingly she found no one at her house, and her bike was safely park in her drive way. This made her wonder what all happened last night after her game of pool with Alenko. Seeing as she had no hickey’s and she was home alone she assumed that she didn’t get laid last night- more than likely got drunk and Alenko took her home, putting her in bed, before leaving and going to bed himself.  
This was what the Commander hoped had happened. That is until she3 walked into her living room and found Alenko crashing on her couch.  
Did he just stay there for the night?  
Or was there something more and he woke up earlier then her and came out here so it wouldn’t be awkward when she woke up?  
Rubbing her temples she wasn’t exactly sure if she wanted to know.  
Taking in a deep breath she moved back into the kitchen, grabbed her eggs and bacon from the fridge before she started to cook breakfast for the two of them. Shepard in no way, shape, or form planned on having a guest for breakfast- definitely not her student, but Shepard welcomed the surprise more then she thought she ever would as she continued to make breakfast.  
Once the bacon was cooking, the smell of it filling the air, she heard Alenko stirring as he rubbed his eyes.  
“Commander?”  
“Good Morning to you too, Alenko…” she mumbled, putting his bacon on his plate before setting it down at the table.  
Moving to grab cups Shepard felt Alenko’s eyes on her. She wasn’t exactly sure if this made her feel uncomfortable, or if she liked his golden brown eyes looking her over; it made that burning feeling come back over her skin- giving her goose bumps as she grabbed the orange juice.  
“Yeah… good Morning… Man, what I night…” Alenko yawned as he watched her.  
He knew that they hadn’t actually done anything last night- she tried, which he blamed on her being drunk- but Alenko thought Shepard already knew that. Giving her a cute smile he leaned against the counter.  
“Thanks for breakfast, Commander,” he stated gently, “you didn’t have to make me food…” he added as he looked her over.  
Seeing him look at her like that made her skin crawl as she grabbed the orange juice and waked past him to the table in silence. What was she supposed to say to him? Shepard was pretty sure she not only slept with one of her students, but also one of her own servicemen. It was wrong on so many levels on how okay with that she felt.  
“Shepard?” he asked, noticing how on edge she was.  
“Alenko, be honest with me,” she stated as she looked back at him- setting the orange juice and their cups down at her kitchen table, “Did anything happen between us last night?”  
His whole face went bright red as he shifted awkwardly. Alenko felt so weird knowing that she thought something happened between them last night. What should he say? No? Though it was true it sounded rude and blunt. Like he didn’t want to do anything with her. If he said yes which would be a complete lie, he’d probably freak the commander out.  
“No ma’am... After you had one too many beer I asked a local where you lived and brought you home… It’s a good thing I bought a truck from someone before last night, otherwise I would have had to somehow got you to hold on to me with I drove you home on your bike, commander.”  
Shepard sighed in relief as she sat down.  
“Eat your breakfast, Alenko…” She smiled.  
He was a complete stranger to her, he had every opportunity to take advantage of her last night, yet he didn’t. It made her resect him more then she already did- which her respect was based off of his actions in battle. Not who he was as a person up until now.  
Opening his mouth like he was going to say something, Alenko decided to stay silent as he moved over to the table and took the seat opposite of her and ate the food she had made him for breakfast. Alenko never thought that a woman like Shepard could in fact cook, that of course was change the second he took a bite of bacon and smiled, letting out a satisfied moan.  
“Commander, you seize to amaze me…” he smiled before she continued to eat his breakfast.  
Shepard of course just sipped at her orange juice, eating her food slowly as she looked at her news app on her phone.  
“I’m glad you like my cooking, Gunny, but don’t get used to it.” Shepard stated as she continued to read.  
He just chuckled, eating his eats quickly.  
‘Yes. Ma’am.!’ He saluted her playfully as he drank his orange juice quickly, going back to eating his food as she cracked a smile.  
Having someone over for reason other than a one night stand was actually more pleasant than Shepard ever thought it would be. She always expected things with people to turn awkward because it took her a while to get to know people and get comfortable with them. Alenko didn’t seem to mind this as he created small talk here and there, secretly trying to probe into small things like the commander’s favorite color or her favorite season to try and get to know her better.  
Shepard allowed this, though she didn’t know why he seemed so interested in her. She never found that she was all the interesting. The commander thought that she was like any other normal person, she just happened to be at the right place at the right time- she was also able to make the hard decisions no one else at those times wanted to make. So there she was always left, a hard decision and almost impossible odd.  
Of course the rest was history. To her that was all it was- history, which was only stories of ordinary people doing extraordinary things.  
“So, Commander,” Alenko looked up at her, his golden brown eyes searching her emerald eyes, “What was the hardest part about our career before commanding this unit?”  
She looked up from her phone, locking it before taking a deep breath.  
“There is only so much fight in a person… Only so much death a person can take… The hardest part was sending my men into battle where I knew that they may not come out alive- but I knew damn well that I would do anything to save them…”  
“Like in the Blitz, Ma’am?”  
“Just like in the Blitz, Alenko…” she looked out the nearby window as she felt her chest tighten, “But I still carry my strength; the souls we lost won’t let me fall down… They never have.” She stated gently, looking at the gunny who looked actually interest in what she had to say.  
This wasn’t something that she was used to.  
Shepard could remember her fist day teaching at Citadel’s college… Students’ looked at her like she was a relic, like if they even looked at her she would have shattered into a million pieces. It was also honestly how she felt after coming back from overseas- having been asked to teach at the college specifically by the board members at the school. Shepard was still hurting from losing team members in a terrorist bombing on a school nearby. They had only been on a patrol. Just a simple stroll to entertain themselves because they were to be pulling out soon.  
The screams of those children still haunted her- and she still to this day saw some of their faces in her students. It was why she didn’t talk to all that many of her students, and why she was so hard on them; Shepard wanted them to be strong.  
“Commander?” Alenko asked, noticing her digging her finger nails into her palms, “Commander Shepard..?”  
“Hmm..?” she asked absent-mindedly as she unclenched her hand.  
“Shepard, you are one of the best damn soldiers I have ever have had the pleasure of meeting… Don’t let the past get to you, all right..?” Alenko asked gently, reaching over and grabbing her hand- holding it as he smiled.  
Pausing she looked at him, looking at his every facial feature to figure out what he was getting at exactly before relaxing, pulling her hand away slightly.  
“I’m fine Alenko, you don’t need to reassure me of anything…” looking at the time she got up from the table. It had been almost two hours since they had sat down to breakfast, and she had meetings at the school with the Top Staff that helped run the program, “I have to go… Make yourself at home if you’d like.” She stated.  
Heading to her room she pulled her service dress out, quickly getting undressed and put her uniform on before grabbing her wheel cap. Looking down it she could remember all the times she went to dining outs when she was young and stupid- eighteen years old and just fresh out of basic and tech school. There was always that lone table up front with a wheel cap from each branch of the service, four glasses turned upside, with a single rose and white candle in the middle of the table. After her eleven years of service that table meant more to her then it ever did when she was just fresh into the military.  
Shaking her head she looked back up at herself, clenching her jaw as she grabbed her hairspray and slicked back her fly a ways before heading out of her room and into the living room Alenko was cleaning up the kitchen. Chuckling to herself she watched him for a second before grabbing their plates and setting them in the sink.  
“I didn’t say become a house wife, Alenko, I said make yourself comfortable.” She teased, grabbing her keys before heading outside, putting her wheel cap on, and went to her bike.  
Starting it she rolled her shoulders before moving out and onto the highway that lead towards Citadel. Heading into town she looked at all the old buildings that had been there since the city was first established years ago. Smiling to herself Shepard took a turn so that she could get to the ROTC building sooner, going through a neighborhood to get around the Saturday traffic. Getting back onto the road she needed she pulled into the parking lot, parking her bike as close as she could without getting so close students would recognize it was her bike at a later time.  
Once she was off her bike she opened the compartment that was meant to be a trunk and pulled out her organizer for work, heading inside. She was thirty minutes early, as always, but that didn’t bother her as she walked into her office and grabbed her favorite pen. Looking around her office she noticed how dull it was. Sighing she shook her head. She’d have to put up pictures or something later, but right now she was trying to get last night and her conversation with Alenko from this morning out of her head- or at least to the back of her mind- so she could focus on what she actually needed to.  
“Good afternoon, Commander Shepard.” The cadet commander, Ashley Williams, stated as she sat down at her place at the table.  
“Afternoon, Williams.” Shepard acknowledged her as she walked out and set her things down before going into her co-worker’s office and made herself some coffee so she could get through this meeting without trying to kill anyone.  
Shepard wasn’t one for coffee at the best of times, but it helped her during these boring weekly meetings on Saturday; she didn’t like to waste her weekends here, and coffee kept her from telling her cadets that they were idiots when they asked stupid questions or asked to do a rave, or anything else ridiculous.  
“I have the notes for the Tailgate this upcoming Friday…” she stated, handing them to her as Shepard took them.  
“Thank you. I’ll make sure to look them over.”  
Williams nodded, looking her commander over as she sat down in her seat and started to get everything she needed out, sipping at her coffee.  
These meetings were run by the Cadet’s themselves, but everything they did had to be run through the commanding staff that was assigned to the program. With this in mind usually everything was brought to her instead of going through the chain of command, which was part of the reasons she was so picky with who she let stay in her program at the end of each year.  
Once the other cadets finally filed into class Shepard instantly went from her slightly happier self that was out for some strange reason, to her serious part that all of her cadets were used to. Ashley of course conducted the meeting, making it as quick as possible.  
“All right, so for the tailgate this Friday I expect all of you to call your contacts and be back to me by Wednesday-“  
“I expect all the information to be taken care of and to me by Monday, Williams.” Shepard corrected, glaring at Williams as her cadets tensed slightly.  
“Ma’am.” Liara T’soni, the cadet deputy group commander, started, “If you want it done by Monday there isn’t much time for it to be-“  
“Done, yes, I understand that, T’soni. I still expect it done by Monday so that the instructors and I can go over it by Wednesday and get it approved by the principal.” She stated bluntly, “If you don’t like that than we just won’t have a tailgate.”  
All the cadets looked between each other as Ashely straightened up.  
“Have that information into me by Monday, Understood?”  
They all looked between each other and nodded, stating, “Yes, Ma’am,” at the same time before they moved onto the subject of what they were going to do for a fall social. Seeing as they had all the branches at the school they general got together during this time of year, and it was apparently their turn to plan it.  
“What do you think we should do for it, Commander?” Garrus, the [] commander asked.  
He had been put in charge of that social this year, and God did Shepard feel sorry for him. He was a little bit awkward, fun to talk to at time, but when it came to social events? Well he wasn’t exactly the type you say out having fun- out dancing and drinking. He was the type of person you would see sitting on their own at a bar watching everyone… At least that’s what Shepard assumed from what she got to know of him.  
“What do your fellow cadets think would be fun..?” she asked, looking up from her notes as the members of the top staff looked at each other.  
“How about a rave?” Tali’zorah Nar Rayya asked, a mischievous smile on her face.  
Williams quickly shot that one down, making Nar Rayya slump in her chair as Garrus Vakarian spoke up, blushing.  
“Why not a dance..? We could do something vintage…Like a swing…?”  
“Did I just hear you suggest something that actually sounds fun?” Urdnot Wrex asked as he raised an eyebrow, eyeing Vakarian skeptically.  
“It sounds fun...” Vakarian blushed slightly, holding onto the edge of his planner as the Executive Officer, Jeff “Joker” Moreau took notes at his laptop.  
“So the social is going to be a Swing Dance?” he asked, looking up at Commander Shepard for approval.  
“I don’t see why not.” Shepard shrugged, writing it down in her notes so that she could get whatever they needed for it; she was pretty sure they wouldn’t know the first thing about through a swing dance, and she knew she could talk to Anderson about it.  
T’soni seemed excited over this as she looked over at the commander. It was a well-known fact that Liara had a thing for the commanding officer, but she never acknowledged it. It was just a rumor going through the student body- at least that was all Shepard hope it was.   
Shepard cleared her throat as Williams tried not to laugh.  
“The next, and last, order on the agenda is to go over who is going to be the Sergeant Major of the program since Jacobson dropped out of the program.” William’s stated as she looked at her staff for ideas.  
“Why not move Wrex up and put someone in his place? Nihlus would make a good candidate for Master Gunnery Sergeant.” Garrus suggested as Tali shook her head.  
“That doesn’t fix anything Vakarian…”  
“Nihlus is transferring schools anyways.” Shepard slipped in as she looked up at them, “We did get a new student in the program.”  
“Kaidan Alenko? The one that was late to your class yesterday, Commander?”  
“Gunnery Sergeant Kaidan Alenko.” Shepard corrected, “He is a well decorated veteran who knows what he is doing... Why not put someone like that over the cadets in the program to relay information.” She added as she clasped her hands together, resting them on the table patiently.  
“I don’t see why not…” T’soni agreed, eyeing Shepard skeptically.  
“Serviceman or not he has no experience in an ROTC program, I don’t-“ Williams stated, but was cut off by one of the other instructors.  
“Kaidan Alenko is a transfer student, Williams. I suggest you get more information on your cadets before you assume something about them… I agree with the Commander: Kaidan Alenko would make a good Sergeant Major of the program… And with Wrex doing as good as he is as the Master Gunnery Sergeant he can stay where he is at.”  
The cadet top staff looked between each other defeated. They knew that if two of the three instructors agreed on something that they had no choice in the matter.  
“So it’s settled.” The third instructor stated, arms crossed, “Alenko is your new Sergeant Major… I suggest you speak with him on Monday and get his contact information so that you can inform him of when the next meeting is.”  
“Is there anything else we need to get to on the agenda?” Shepard asked impatiently as T’soni and William’s looked between each other.   
Williams nodded as she looked at Shepard.  
“My deputy and I agree that Kaidan Alenko shouldn’t be on top staff; he and the Commander already have a close enough relationship that he was seen going home with her last night.”  
“WHOA.” Shepard hissed, glaring at the two of them, “you don’t want a cadet in the top staff based on the fact that he took me home after one too many drinks and then left?” she hissed, knowing that last part was a lie, “If that were the case then you, Williams, should be out of your position for the rumors of sleeping with your English teacher. If you want facts, talk to the people involved, not assume things, Williams- T’soni.” She stated, standing up, grabbing her planner as her cadets looked at her like she had just grown two heads.  
The instructors on the other hand tried not to laugh as Williams face turned bright red.  
“Y-Yes, Ma’am... There… There isn’t anything else that we have on the agenda for today…” Williams stammered as Shepard nodded.  
“Then I expect to hear from all of you Monday about the tailgate, and I expect you to make a new calling tree once Alenko’s information is retrieved so they you can pass it out to the staff, Joker.”  
“Yes, Ma’am.” He nodded, typing down the last bit of his notes so that he could put together next week’s agenda.  
T’soni sighed, “Room, Attention!” The cadet top staff stood up at attention as Shepard left the room and walked to her office, hearing T’soni called, “Dismissed.”  
Sighing she sat down at her desk. Lying to them made Shepard feel sick, but she just wanted them off her back. It wasn’t like her and Alenko did anything; he was asleep on her couch. In all honesty Shepard was happy he spent the night because he had a couple drinks himself, and she felt bad enough that he drove her home.  
“Commander…?”Vakarian asked, knocking at her door and standing at attention.  
“Enter, Garrus.” She sighed, looking up at him.  
“I was wondering… Though a swing dance sounds fun, I don’t know what one would do for a swing dance… Mind helping me with it?”  
“I’d be more than happy to, Garrus… You just work on getting to=he word out and I’ll plan it with Anderson’s help.”  
“Thank you commander.” He smiled, excusing himself from her office as he left to go home like all the other cadets and the instructors.  
Grabbing her things she locked up her office and the ROTC room before heading out to her bike, putting her things in the trunk again. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that meeting, especially at the end. Shepard had a feeling that reaction had something to do with the rumors of the thing T’soni had for the commander, which made Shepard shiver. Shepard couldn’t imagine being with a student like that, ever.  
That was like telling someone to sleep with their children to her.   
Shaking her head, Shepard got on her bike, pulling the strap down on her wheel cap so it would stay on during the ride home. Pulling out of the parking lot she headed home, almost entirely forgetting the fact that she told Alenko that he could stay at her house and make himself comfortable.  
That was of course until she pulled into her dirt drive way and had to drive around his truck so that she could put her bike in the barn. Taking in a deep breath she wondered what she was going to say to him. He had spent the night, she made breakfast, and she even put his name forward to be the Sergeant Major of the program.  
Taking a deep breath she headed inside, taking her wheel cap off as she was hit with the amazing smell of whatever Kaidan was making for lunch. Letting out a sigh she tossed her wheel cap to the couch before leaning over the bar counter she had that was right next to her kitchen- in front of her sink.  
“Alenko, what are you cooking? It smells amazing~” she smiled as he looked over at her, wearing her pink apron.  
It was all Shepard could do to not laugh at the sight of this man in front of her in a pink cooking apron. Were he to turn and look at her it would have said, ‘kiss the cook’ right over the chest, which just made Shepard giggle thinking about it.  
“Beef stew… Why are you laughing?!” he asked as he looked down and blushed, “All right, I have to admit this looks weird… but the meet you had was a little bloody and I didn’t feel like getting blood on me today, Commander Shepard..”  
She only laughed harder, her head against the counter top as she held her stomach.  
“You aren’t helping your case, Alenko!” she laughed harder she looked up at him, a playful smile tugging at the edges of her lips as she looked at him with her emerald green eyes.  
Shepard hadn’t laughed like this in ages. She honestly couldn’t even remember the last time she laughed like this. Ever.  
“Hey, leave me alone! At least I can cook, commander!”  
She gasped, faking a look of being insulted as she rested a hand on her chest.  
“Are you saying my cooking is bad, Gunny?”  
His whole face turned bright red as she tried to back pedal, looking like he had just dumped water on a cat or something along those lines.  
“That’s not what I meant! Commander, you are an amazing cook! I- I- I-“  
“Alenko, calm down! I am just joking with you~” she laughed taking off her service jacket before hanging it up, her stomach hurting from how hard she was just laughing, “at least you can cook… Because you don’t know how to take a joke...” she teased, heading to her room to get out of her uniform and into something more comfortable.  
“Hey!” he called after her laughing, not realizing what she was doing as he followed after Shepard.  
By the time he reached her room her shirt was already off and she was pushing her dress slacks off- her back to him as he looked at her blushing.  
Shepard’s back was covered in scars, which he had never heard about. Everyone knew about the one on her face and how she got it. Looking at her scars Alenko felt his heart drop. He could only imagine how painful those would have been when she received them- how much it hurt to get dressed every day or to even move.  
Looking away Alenko blushed, moving to leave when Shepard noticed him and tensed. It didn’t bother her that she was half naked and he saw it- it was his reaction to her scares. At least she thought that was his reaction.  
“They don’t hurt nearly as bad as they look.” She stated, throwing on a white tank top and grabbed a pair of yoga pants, “they are nothing like the scare on my face… At least with the ones on my back I know that I got those from protecting my mean with we were POWs… My face… that’s a little bit of a different story…”   
Alenko’s expression softened as he leaned against her door frame.  
“Scars tell stories, Commander… They personally make a person beautiful; they tell me you’ve lived a life- not just run from your battles.”  
Shepard smiled at that, pulling the yoga pants on as she took her hair out of its bun.  
“I’m glad someone likes scars; I personally can’t stand mine...” she stated, turning around and smiling when she saw he was still in her ridiculous apron.  
“Where did you get this apron anyway, commander? I never thought of you as the type to like pink.” He smiled, arms crossed.  
“Anderson gave it to me as a house warming present- almost with a lot of the pots and pans I own… I generally eat out because, though I don’t mind cooking, I don’t have the time to sit and cook a meal myself.”  
“Good thing I’m here commander, or you would have starved.” He teased as she shook her head.  
“No… I’m sure I’m going to need luck eating your food, Alenko.”  
“I’m hurt, commander! Don’t you trust me..?” he asked gently looking at Shepard gently.  
Blushing she pushed past him and out to the kitchen.  
“Sure, Alenko... But not your cooking.” She stated as she sat down at the table, leaning back in her chair as Alenko followed her out into the kitchen.  
“You can’t trust a man cooking in a pink apron, can you?” he teased, teasing the stew to see if it was done or not yet.

This comment got a smile out of the commander as she looked down at her phone.  
“It is a little hard to take you seriously while you are wearing that, Alenko…”  
He nodded in understanding as he started opening cupboard doors to figure out where her bowls were at. Standing up Shepard walked into the kitchen, opening the dishwasher- shaking her head she pulled out two bowls.  
“I generally don’t put things away after they are clean, Alenko… Just so you know for next time.”  
“Next time, ma’am?” he asked, blushing.  
Catching what she said she paused, blushing slightly as she handed him the bowls.  
“If there is ever a next time, Alenko…”  
Kaidan paused as he looked down and nodded. Grabbing both of their food he watched as she walked away, setting the table in silence. Alenko didn’t generally like silence, but her silence seemed almost calm- comforting in a way. Even how she held herself seemed strangely relaxing to him. Taking in a deep breath he walked around the counter and set their food down, earning a smile from the Commander.  
“You didn’t have to make lunch, Alenko, really...”  
“Ma’am?”  
“Yes, Alenko..?”  
“Please call me, Kaidan.” He blushed, looking to the side of her as he bit his upper lip.  
This caught the commander off guard as she looked at her cadet, her subordinate. Calling him buy his first name was extremely unprofessional, but of course so was letting him spend the night and cook her lunch. Thinking about it she let out a sigh as she thought about it. What was one more step past unprofessional?  
“All right, Kaidan… But I expect you to still call me Shepard- Commander while at school.”  
He nodded before taking a bite of his stew with a smile. Shepard saw the smile come across his face and felt her own smile creeping across her lips. Taking a bite Shepard melted in her seat.  
“Kaidan, this is really good… what is in it?”  
“Carrots, potatoes, beef, so bacon, beef stock… You know, the normal stuff.”  
“Right, cause bacon goes in a stew, Kaidan!”  
“Come on! Who cares about the bacon- as long as it tastes good, right?”  
“With cooking skills it makes me wonder how you aren’t married, Kaidan.” She stated.  
Kaidan blushed as he looked at her. Married… Kaidan had been in the boat of being engaged once upon a time, but that ended quickly when he came home from his first ever deployment to her sleeping with his first shirt. Since then he didn’t exactly do the dating thing- and he never really thought about marriage or spending the rest of his life with someone.  
“There was someone once, commander… But that ended when I caught her cheating on me. I’m pretty content with being alone at the moment.” He stated as the commander choked on her food, feeling bad that she even said something, “Commander?! Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine Kaidan… I just- I’m sorry; I didn’t know about that.” She stated, her face flushing with how embarrassed she was.  
He smiled, taking her hand in his like he had done that morning.  
“Commander, its fine... I trust you enough to let you know that about me… Now don’t go telling the world, okay?”  
Shepard only nodding, keeping her hand in his as she ate her food. Of course lunch was much like breakfast- full of Kaidan trying to get the commander to talk about herself, but the questions where a little more deep then favorite color and season. No, now the sergeant was asking her about her favorite quotes, books to read- anything that told him a little more about her then just the basics. With some of it Shepard was more than willing to answer, but other thing not so much. Those questions usually pertained to her family.  
Aside from all of Kaidan’s get to know you questions, Shepard found her was of sneaking in a couple questions about the sergeant and tried to earn some laughs out of him; she loved the sound of his laughter. These attempts of course worked for a while before Kaidan finally gave her a sly smile.  
“Do you always try to get to know your subordinates like this, Commander Shepard?”  
“Not all of them… Just the special ones.” She teased gently, reluctantly pulling her hand away as she stood up to put her dishes in the sink.  
Seeing Kaidan’s face dull as soon as she pulled away she didn’t know whether to laugh at him because it was sad, or smile because he was sad that she walked away from him. Either way all she wanted now was to binge on her history channel.  
Turning around she ran into Kaidan, whom she didn’t know followed her to the sink, and cussed under her breath as her forehead hit his. Her scar started to pulse as her hand instantly went to her scar. Closing her eyes she tensed.  
“Shepard? Are you okay? I swear I didn’t mean to-“  
“Kaidan, it’s fine; I just need my pain medication…”she mumbled, walking around him and into her bathroom.  
Grabbing the bottle she took one of her pills, which was actually as much as she was prescribed to take at a time. Downing it with water a shiver went down her spine. All she wanted was the drinks to numb her skin. The pills almost never worked anymore, but she didn’t want to be prissy and go to the doctor over her scar hurting. So she remedied it her own way. Sure that way wasn’t exactly health, and it could actually kill her someday, but it made all the pain go away.  
Moving to leave the bathroom and grab her bottle of jack Kaidan stopped her, not even knowing what she was actually going for.  
“You know there are better things for that then pills, Shepard… Lay down on the couch and I’ll get you an ice pack.” He smiled gently.  
Doing what she was told she laid down, her head still throbbing as Kaidan came back to her side with an ice back and rested it gently on her forehead.  
“If it gets to cold put this towel between it and your skin; it will still give the same numbing affect the ice will have against your skin, but without it being so cold.” He smiled before standing back up and looking at the time.  
Seeing him look at the clock made her frown. That act let her know that he was trying to decide whether or not he should leave, and she didn’t exactly want him to go yet.  
“I have homework back home that I have to have done by tonight, Commander… I’ll see you in class on Monday.” He smiled, grabbing his keys off the counter before grabbing a blanket that was folded and laid over the chair in the corner, laying it gently over the commander before leaving her to lay on her couch alone to contemplate what this weird feeling was.


	4. Chapter 4

Monday morning rolled around and Shepard found herself, in her battle dress uniform, staring at herself in the mirror. Not at her scar like she usually did, not at the bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep, but just at herself as a whole. It was the first time in years that she hadn’t picked herself apart before going to work. Shepard wasn’t sure whether this was an accomplishment, or if she should be worried that her daily routine was being messed with.  
Shaking her head she grabbed her cap and headed out to the living room to find her keys. It was a long two days of ice packs on the face and pain meds as she tried to watch the history channel- laying out on her couch. Surprisingly it help, not as much as her preferred method, but she tried Kaidan’s way for his sake.  
Once she finally found her keys she put on her cap as she walked outside. The sunlight gave her a slight headache now, but she didn’t exactly mind it as she walked out to her barn and wheeled her bike out of the barn before shutting the doors behind her. Looking out over the skis that were darkening, she side. Tonight was going to be a fun ride home when it finally started to rain.   
At the start of her engine she let out a relieved sigh, revving it for her own joy and entertainment before heading to work, driving passed a lot of nothing and a few houses- the scenery mainly just fields and cow pastures until Shepard finally made it into town, then it turned into the old vintage town that she had started to fall in love with once you got closer to main street.  
Driving pas the Blue Bird she took a mental note of the fact she had yet to go there. She had heard so many things about the fact that it was an old soda fountain that also had a candy counter. Smiling to herself as she drove further down main street Citadel Shepard couldn’t help but smile at how easily this old, hole in the wall town went from looking vintage to going modern the closer you got to the cities college.  
Pulling into the parking lot closest to the ROTC building she parked her park farther back than usual- being later then she usually was so her spot was taken by one of the students.  
“Morning, Commander Shepard.” She heard his familiar voice, which caused her to smile as she looked over at Alenko, who was grabbing his backpack out of the back of his truck, “How was your weekend?”  
“It was good, Kaidan. I spent it with an ice pack, good stew, and the history channel.” She chuckled, walking with him towards the school.  
“I’m glad that you put the stew and ice pack to good use, commander.” He smiled, looking away nervously as he blushed, “how’s your headache..?”  
“Not too bad right now... I have my pain meds with me just in case... And I’ll be grabbing an ice pack from the nurse.” She stated gently, patting his back as she looked at the building, “We’ll talk later, all right?”  
He gave her a cute smile that was almost enchanting, “I’d like that…”  
She paused, wanting to stay and talk to him forever if she could just see that smile once last time. Shaking her head the commander walked to the nurse’s office, shoving her hat in the pocket on her thigh.  
Students passed her by quickly. Shepard was amazed out how large the student body was; she didn’t really venture the school during the times in which students were actually coming and going from classes or out in various areas studying. It was amazing to her how many students there really were here at the college campus.  
Bumping into one of the students she tensed and the cussed under their breath and started to pick up their book. Instantly moving to help Shepard looked at the student.  
“Sorry, Ma’am, I guess I didn’t watch where I was going.” She stated gently, handing her supplies back to the student, who took them graciously.  
“No- no it’s fine really… I wasn’t paying much attention myself.” She blushed, standing up as Shepard looked up at her.  
“I’m Commander Shepard I-“  
“You’re the commanding officer of the ROTC unit here on campus… I know.” She smiled, “they tried to talk me into going into the program, but it’s not for me…I’m Rahna.” She stated gently, looking around nervously, like she was scared to see a ghost or something.  
“Pleasure to meet you. Sorry again.” The commander gave her an apologetic smile as Rahna nodded and continued to walk onto her class, Shepard watching after her before heading to the nurse’s office.  
That little run in with that student made her head hurt from the force in which their bodies hit each other’s. To anyone else it probably would have been nothing, but her scar had been acting up worse lately than it ever had in a long time. To her this told her that she was either doing something wrong, or she had a major decision she was going to have to make and she wasn’t going to like it.  
Either way the commander was in no way ready for either of those situations.   
Getting an ice pack from the nurse she took two of her pills instead of one and headed to her classroom- ice pack held firmly to her head as she walked into the main room of the ROTC room. The drill pad was full of students practicing various parts of their routines. Williams was calling out commands for the armed team, who were sharp and disciplined; they were the programs pride and joy. Vakarian was of course showing the newest students to the drill team how to use a sabre because unarmed was the last choice of any cadet in the program. T’soni was the commander of the unarmed team, and though she took her position as both deputy commander and unarmed team commander, she seemed distracted today.  
Shepard didn’t question any of this as she set her things down at the table and watched. She was honestly just waiting for her notes from her students about the tailgate so that she could go over it and get everything set up and get whatever spaced they needed in the parking lot reserved.  
“Good morning ma’am.” T’soni smiled, paperwork in hand.  
“Good Morning, Liara… Shouldn’t you be practicing with your team..?”  
“They are having a bathroom break, Ma’am…” she murmured, eyeing the commander whose eyes never left her paperwork. Sighing she held out all the information for the tailgate, “Ashley and I got it all put together for you, Commander.”  
“Thank you.” Was all Shepard had to say on the matter, taking the papers with her free hand as she continued to write notes down for that to do with the fall social. With it being a swing dance she wasn’t sure whether to play traditional swing music or something a little more modern for the cadets so that they wouldn’t be too bored out of their minds trying to figure out how to dance to it.  
“Ma’am?”  
“I’m working, Liara...” she growled, looking up from her work, not too happy that her cadet was trying to disturb her, “and your team is back from their bathroom break. Now go practice before I have your team do the green mile.”  
“Yes, Ma’am…” she murmured, running back to where the unarmed team was practicing.  
Shepard was almost able to continue with her work, that is until Kaidan waltzed right into the room and over to her. It was almost as if her heart stopped beating because she didn’t know what to do, which was a rare occurrence.  
“Do you mind if I stay in here? My teacher kicked me out of her class for what I had to say about the L2 design.” He sighed, rubbing at his temples.  
“Sure, Alenko… Sit down… Need me to get you anything? You look like you are in pain.”  
“Just a migraine, ma’am- I get them a lot.” He admitted.  
Shepard frowned, holding out her ice pack to him, which he gratefully took. As he held this to his forehead she pulled out one of her pain pills and handed it to him, handing him her unopened bottle of water, which he also took both gratefully.  
This was the least she could do for the man who took care of her Friday night and part of Saturday. Between being a drunk mess and her headaches those days she wasn’t sure what she would have done without him.  
Well, Shepard did actually know what would have happened. It would have ended in pilled and booze as she watched the history channel or slept it all off on her bed as she waited for all the pain to finally go away. It was her normal thing, but this felt a little better- like her mind was clear for once now that she wasn’t full of both pain meds and jack daniels.  
Though it numbed the pain it was nothing that was actually worth risking her life over.  
“Thank you, Commander.” He gave her that cute smile again, which made her melt in his hands like ice.  
“Don’t mention it, Alenko… Now relax for a little bit all right?” she asked gently, going back to her work as Alenko nodded, watching the drill teams practice.  
Williams of course noticed this exchange and looked over at Liara, who didn’t seem all too happy about the sight of the commander talking to someone else the way she was. Especially not when just a couple minutes ago the commander was shooing her away so that she could ‘practice with her team’.  
Taking her team out into the hallway Liara fumed over it as Ashley continued on as normal. Garrus couldn’t help but laugh at it all. Liara’s tastes for the commander were well known to everyone- even people outside of the program who wondered if there was something between the commander and Liara because of it.  
From the sights of it though Garrus bet that she would have a relationship with this new comer before she ever had one with Liara, which he knew would create tension between the top staff now that Kaidan Alenko was the top staffs Sergeant Major.  
“Joker talk to you about your position yet, Alenko?” Shepard asked as she wrote down the last of her notes before she handed them off to Garrus for approval.  
“Yes, Ma’am. I wasn’t expecting to receive anything when I got here… Thank you. I heard you put in a good word for me.”  
“Not just me, Alenko… It was all three instructors… But mainly me.”  
Alenko just smiled as he looked over at her. Shepard was something different to him. In all his years he had never seen a commanding officer keep their cool, even around a man who was blatantly trying to get to know her for reasons that would probably turn into something less platonic than it was at this point. Yet she handled even that with grace, being nice- but not exactly flirting so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea.  
Though he respected the commander and was glad she didn’t flirt back, part of him hope she would. Alenko was attracted to her long before he got to see what she was like in person, but he wasn’t going to blatantly tell that to anyone. Especially not here after he saw how his deputy react to them talking.  
Alenko groaned in pain when the bell rang to signal that the class was over, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead on the table. This made Shepard want to hug him. Standing up she rested her hand on his shoulder.  
“How about you stay in my office? We can turn off the light so that the migraine won’t be made worse by the lighting.” She smiled as he nodded gently.  
“Thanks, Commander… You’re a life saver.” He mused, getting up slowly before walking into her office. Closing the door behind him Shepard continued to work at the table- noticing the light in her office turn off as she smiled to herself.  
This was how Alenko spent a good portion of his day- locked away in the commander’s office. Shepard of course didn’t mind this fact at all. To her it was a good service for a man who fought for his country as hard- if not harder- then she ever had. That and she trusted him not to look into his files like other students had done while they were alone in her office.  
Continuing to work the commander sat at the meeting table, one hand rubbing her forehead as she wrote down notes on everything they would need to get for the social. Cadets alike all gave her weird looks, of which she didn’t notice, as they walked by and into their respective classes. This was what happened for three class periods. It all stayed the same. Shepard writing at the huge meeting table outside by the drill pad, and Alenko enjoying the darkness.  
She couldn’t honestly blame him. Shepard had heard working with the L2 model gave people some crazy side effects. Alenko was lucky to come out with just head acts from working with the L2- though part of her wished he would take the damn upgrade because she got to sit and look at her office be in pitch black darkness for hours. Seeing this made Shepard worry about the Gunnery Sergeant, but she ignored it almost completely. That is until Liara opened her door and turned on the lights, not knowing that Shepard was no longer in her office.  
T’soni’s face turned bright red, her body a swirl of anger and hurt as she stared at the new student relaxing in Shepard’s office.  
“What the hell are you doing in here?” she demanded, upset as Alenko moved his hands to his eyes to shield them from the light which hurt his eyes and made his migraine worse.  
“The commander is letting me sit out my migraine in her office… You have a problem with that deputy? Take it up with the Commander.” He growled.  
Grabbing the commander’s blanket from her closet he went to shield his eyes with it. Upon seeing that he knew where she kept that upset T’soni as she turned on her heel.  
“Whatever, Kaidan… Just stay away from her…” she mumbled, heading outside to her next class.  
Kaidan looked after her, surprised and a little bit shocked. How would one process that? He wasn’t sure that anyone could actually look at that in the correct sense. It made him wonder if there was something between his Deputy Commander in the program and Commander. Closing his eyes he felt his heart sink slightly. It was probably nothing, but it gave him a weird feeling to even think of Shepard with anyone else.  
Shaking his head gently he walked out of her office. There was no way he was going to be able to relax when he felt like Liara was going to come back and mess with.  
“Kaidan?” Shepard asked as she looked up, “You head stop hurting all ready..?”  
“No.” he stated gently, “Liara turned on the light in your office while she was looking for you… It made it worse.”  
Sighing Shepard set her pen down before reaching into her pocket.  
“It’s been a couple hours… take these.” She stated, handing him a pill that she was prescribed specifically for the headaches she got from her scar.  
He took them, giving her a skeptical look.  
“You drug pusher!” he teased, stealing her coffee to take the pills.  
“Hey!” she looked flustered as Kaidan put his lips on her cup, drinking a bit of it was he swallowed the pills.  
“What..?”  
“Don’t touch my coffee again, Alenko… Or you might lose a limb.” She glared at him teasingly as he gave her a cute smile.  
“Commander, you couldn’t hurt a cute face like mine, could you?”  
This caught the commander off guard. Cute? Did he just ask her in a notelont way if he was cute? The commander’s face turned bright red as she thought about it. Did she think he was cute?   
Blinking a couple times she huffed.  
“You are lucky I like you, Alenko…” before moving to stand up.  
Alenko watched, feeling a little hurt as the commander looked at him and whispered: “You’re even luckier that you are cute, Gunny.”  
Walking back into her office she felt her cheeks flush as she sat down at her desk, legs crossed as she set her work back down where it belong.  
Alenko on the other hand just stayed where he was, smiling like an idiot as he looked over at his shoulder at her. It gave him butterflies to think the commander actually thought he was cute. Though cute made it sound like he was some sort of puppy he would take it. He would take that answer any time of the week over her rejecting his blatant flirting.  
Standing up Kaidan grabbed his bag, realizing he was done for his classes for the day, and walked to the commander’s office.  
“Thank you for everything Commander.”  
“Thank you for the stew, Alenko; I was too lazy to make anything for lunch.” She smiled back at him as he gave her a cute smile.  
“So long as I can get that smile on your face more often, don’t mention it commander~” he smiled before leaving.  
This of course left the commander in a weird place for any commanding officer to be in. Shepard was not only his teacher, which the flirting seemed weird to her on that level, but she was also his commanding officer since he was stationed at the nearby base. These two little facts made the commander want to smack her head against the desk until she came to terms with the idea that she was going to have to push Alenko away, and quick before anything actually started.  
Getting up Shepard walked out to the drill pad and to the nearby sink before dumping her coffee out, having not taken a sip after Alenko put his lips on it. It was almost as if there was some unspoken rule about swopping spit with her students- and more so her subordinates. Throwing the cup away she sighed, walking back into her office as she felt the eyes of one of the instructors on her.  
“Was he flirting with you?” they asked, laughing slightly.  
“Yeah… Weird, right?” she asked, sitting down in her chair as they shook their head.  
“Have a good night commander.” They smiled before moving to leave.  
“Wait you didn’t-.” Sighing she looked after where the instructor left, “answer me…” she finished, looking at the time.  
It was probably a good time for her to go home. There was a new show on history channel about Aliens or something of the sort that she thought sounded interesting- at least interesting enough to watch while she worked on the plans for the swing dance for the fall social. Grabbing her things she pulled her cap, getting to head outside.  
The sky was just as it had been when she left, which wasn’t very inviting to her. All she wanted to do was curl up and work on what she needed to. Of course if it rained while she was heading home she would have to more than just relax; she would have to find some way to heat herself back up once she got home. There were a couple different methods she could think off, and none of them sounded good enough. She would probably just stick with a warm shower and then go to bed in her warm- at least hopefully warm- bed.  
Jogging out to her bike she felt the first drop of water hit against her face, surprisingly not blocked by her cap as she swore under her breath. She didn’t mind the rain- the commander actually loved it. Shepard just wasn’t properly dressed for the rain- not for driving in the rain. Cussing under her breath she moved to grab her keys as Alenko pulled up to her.  
“Do you need a ride home, Commander? I would hate it if you got sick riding that thing home in the rain…”  
“Alenko, I don’t-“  
“Get in commander; I don’t bite!” he teased.  
He watched as she mumbled to herself, looking at her bike, “There ain’t no way I am lifting this on my own Alenko… Get your ass out of the car and help me...”  
He just laughed, getting out in a heartbeat and helped her get the bike into his truck before he jogged ahead of her, opening her door for her.  
“At least I don’t bite hard, commander.” He teased as her whole face went bright red.  
Taking in a deep breathe she closed her eyes.  
“The flirting in inappropriate, Kaidan…” she whispered as he started his car back up.  
Hearing those words from her made him frown mentally, but none the less he gave the commander a smile.  
“Sorry, Ma’am, it won’t happen again.” He stated, taking her home.   
The ride home was silent. Too silent for either of their liking. Alenko didn’t know what to say to the commander, and the commander felt horrible for shooting him down. But what could one do? He was her cadet and her subordinate. Those were both fine lines she wasn’t willing to cross. At least not that the commander knew of. If that ever changed even she would need the memo about that.  
Pulling into her drive way he parked his truck, getting out in silence as he pulled her bike out of the back of her truck. Shepard got out to help him, but when she got out found that he did it all on his own.  
Taking in a deep breathe she looked at Alenko, wanting to hug him or something so he would smile. Giving in the commander did just that, hugging him tightly as she buried her head in his neck.  
“Stop looking so sad, Kaidan… I just don’t want you talking to me like that at school; people are going to get the wrong idea of you do…”  
“The wrong idea? I’m flirting with you for a reason, Commander.” He stated gently, looking at her sadly.  
It finally hit her as to why he was acting the way her was. Shepard’s expression softened as she looked at him.   
“You are my student, and my subordinate, Kaidan. I don’t know if I’ll even be able to return those affections because of that; we need to keep this relationship professional…” she murmured, pulling away from him slightly as he looked at her sadly, like a lost puppy looking for home.  
“I understand, commander… Have a good rest of your night.”  
Shepard looked after him as he walked in silence to his truck, getting in and closing the door behind him before he pulled out of her driveway and left. Seeing Kaidan like that made Shepard feel sick.  
Shepard was torn between looking into her records and finding his number to make sure he was okay, and going inside so that she could relax and forget the day. Feeling a rain drop hit the tip of her nose Shepard inwardly hissed as she wrinkled her nose. She didn’t mind the rain, she just didn’t like the feel of the cold rain against her skin- particularly against her scar. Closing her eyes she continued to think on her decision before going inside, tossing her cap onto her kitchen table, and headed to her bedroom as she pealed her clothes off her skin.  
Her uniform felt more like a trap today than anything. Like it was wrapping around her skin and wouldn’t peel away as she pulled her shirt off with a sigh. It was almost like she was pulling herself out of a dark hole that she had spent hours- days in. Shepard welcomed the feeling of being free as she undid her belt, Kaidan still on her mind. Trying to shake it away she forced her pants off after peeling her combat boots away from her feet. Letting it all drop to the floor she sighed in relief, now only in her bra and underwear as she walked into her bathroom, rubbing her back as she tried to get rid of some of the tension she was feeling  
Yet it wouldn’t go away. Kaidan. That was all she could think of, and she was worried whether he got home okay. If he was feeling all right after what the commander had said to him. She didn’t mean to sound heartless, but she knew that was how it had to be- though she really didn’t like that it had to be.  
Kaidan was her subordinate.  
Fraternizing with him could affect both her job and his, and she didn’t want him discharged over their actions… But right now having him there with her sounded almost nice. To have someone she could talk to and relax around- which she could hardly do around even Anderson. Kaidan was just something special, and the commander couldn’t seem to keep herself away from him- and he didn’t seem to mind that.  
Giving in she grabbed her laptop and log into the school systems, retrieving Kaidan’s number from the school’s archives before heading to her bathroom, texting him.  
‘Kaidan, its Commander Shepard. I want to make sure this number is correct for the call tree.’  
Setting her phone on the counter she felt like an idiot. What kind of first text was that? At least it made it sound like the Commander was texting him on business, not trying to talk one of her students into coming over so she could spend time with them.  
Unclasping her bra she impatiently waited for her answer, linking her fingers in her underwear and pushing them down before starting the water. As she waited for the water to heat up, sitting on the counter, she impatiently watched her phone- wanting Kaidan to text her back; it would help her to know he got home safe, and maybe she wouldn’t miss him so much.  
Moving to stand up she sighed, stepping into the shower as she let the water run over her skin. Shepard felt almost as if she was drowning as the water beat against her skin. It was on fire, and all she wanted was for Kaidan to be there with her. She wanted someone to talk to- maybe someone to hold if the night went that way… But all she really wanted was that social interaction that she never really got except minimally at school for work. Yet even then she spent most of her time in her office. Kaidan was the first person in a long time that the Commander actually genuinely liked having around.  
Washing her hair she tried to put her mind somewhere else- somewhere where the Gunnery Sergeant wasn’t. To her surprise it was harder then she thought it was. That was probably due to the fact that all her normal hiding places she had seen Kaidan in, or the fact that he was now going to be around her more then she wanted because he was on the cadet top staff.  
Why did she have to open her mouth?  
Shaking it off she started to wash her body as she looked at the white tiled walls of her shower and tried to think of something that didn’t involve Kaidan. Those thoughts could have gone one of two ways, her future or her dark past that she didn’t like to dwell on. To her dismay it was the past as she started to scrub her skin raw, too spaced out to realize that was what she was doing.  
After she felt clean enough she got out of the shower, grabbing her towel and heading to her room as she felt her muscles tense. It was because her mind was going places that it should never have gone. Trying to shake the memories off she grabbed a clean bra and put it on before opening her drawer and grabbing a pair of underwear and slipping them on. Rubbing at the top of her scare she grabbed a tank top and a pair of sweat pants, putting them on before closing her eyes.  
Her mind was flashing the memories of Mindoir, making her feel sick and her skin crawl. Grabbing Promethazine, her nausea medication, she took one dry before looking for her pain medication. Shepard couldn’t remember where she last put it. There had been took many times she took it and set it somewhere other than in her medicine cabinet for her to remember.  
Walking out to the kitchen she sighed with relief when she found it on the counter, her bottle of Jack next to it. Grabbing her pills she opened it up and grabbed one, closing it back up as she tried to decide whether she was doing this her way, or Kaidan’s way. One wasn’t exactly healthy, but it numbed everything and made her forget the memories. The other got rid of the physical pain, but she would still be stuck with the memories that were trying to haunt her.  
Cussing to herself she took the pill dry before walking back to her bathroom to grab her phone. She would probably text all the top staff members and see if they got their projects done- maybe talk with Varkarian about the social and get it all set in place and get everything set in stone for what they were doing.  
Yet all those idea stopped as she noticed Kaidan had answered her back.  
‘Yeah, it’s the right number… How are you feeling commander? You seemed tense when I left.’  
She debated whether to answer him or not as she walked back out to her kitchen, putting the bottle of Jack Daniel’s away before grabbing her gallon jug of water and walked over to the couch and sat down. What harm would be done in answering him back? It wasn’t like she was doing anything wrong by answering his question; there wasn’t anything that personal… and it wasn’t as if she was actually breaking regulations by answering him.  
‘I feel just fine now that I took my nausea and pain meds… how are you feeling? You didn’t seem happy when you left…’  
Turning on the TV she started to channel surf, trying to entertain herself as she waited for Kaidan’s replay. This wasn’t normal behavior for Shepard, but she didn’t think much of it was she saw that Law and Order: SVU was on- and it was the only thing that looked half decent unless she wanted to watch cooking shows or kids shows. Sighing she selected the channel that SVU was on and watched it impatiently as she checked her phone every once and a while.  
‘Anything for the social, Commander?’ she got from Varkarian, which made her jump, smiling as she checked it before deflating.  
‘Not yet.’ She sent back, curling up with her pillow as she watched her show half-heartedly, her mind more concentrated on Kaidan answering her.  
‘Commander, can we do a dinning in?’ Ashley texted her, which earned a groan from the commander.  
‘Bring it up at the next meeting and we’ll talk about it.’ She sent back before tossing her phone onto her arm chair, pouting.  
This was how she spent about ten minutes- watching TV and glaring over at the phone every once and a while because he hadn’t texted her yet. Shepard felt like that stupid teenager all over again. It was like she was talking to her high school crush, waiting for him to text her back even though she knew he probably never would.  
Her phone went off to her surprise, and she practically jumped, grabbing her phone from the arm chair as she checked to see who it was.  
Groaning it was a text from Ashley trying to talk to her about a dinning in anyway. Setting her phone back down Shepard stayed sitting on the floor, leaning on the arm chair it was another couple minutes before she got another text.  
Perking back up she checked to see who it was.  
“YES!” she smiled, looking at the text with a sigh of relief.  
‘Better… (: so… calling tree. does that mean the other cadets on the top staff will be texting me…?’  
‘That’s up to them Kaidan…’  
Setting her phone back down she went back to watching her TV show.  
This process continued for a while as she sat and watched TV to entertain herself. She’d half-heartedly watch TV and wait for him to answer her. The most annoying part of it all was that everyone decided to text her as she waited for him to text her back, so she was getting excited over texts that’s weren’t him, and deflating as she ignored the texts. When he would text her she would get excited, practically squealing as she read over his text.  
‘So… we should hang out again sometime… (:’  
Shepard read this and smiled, laying back against her arm chair as she sighed happily.  
‘I’d like that, Kaidan(:’ she sent back as she moved to lay down on her couch.  
‘Well… I am cooking dinner if you want to come over. The rain stopped, so riding your bike wouldn’t be too bad.’ He answered back almost instantly as she read over it and smiled.  
‘There’s a problem with that; I don’t know where you live, Kaidan…’  
Almost instantly he sent back his address with a smile as she just stared at it surprised. Staring at the text Shepard tried to decide whether she should actually go to his place or not. He was still her subordinate, but something made her not really care as she bit her lip, staring at his text.  
Giving in she grabbed her keys after sending: ‘see you soon’  
She couldn’t believe that she was actually giving into this as she moved to the front door. Shepard didn’t even realize that she forgot the fact that she actually had work that she was supposed to be getting done for the social that weekend. Jogging out to her bike she quickly started it, heading to the apartments that Kaidan was staying in near the college. Once she was there she stopped, checking which apartment he was in so she could find it. After figuring out where it was she parked her bike and headed up the stairs to find his apartment.  
Before she could even make it all the way up the stairs Kaidan opened his door and looked down, smiling.  
“I didn’t actually think that you were going to actually show up, Shepard.” He state gently as she smiled up at him.  
“Well, I guess we both are surprised; I didn’t think I wouldn’t actually come either.” She admitted as she continued up the stairs and up to the level that Kaidan’s apartment was on.  
“I’m glad you did, Shepard.” He smiled, blushing slightly as he watched her carefully.  
She nodded as he moved to let her into his apartment. Shepard of course went inside gingerly, looking around at it. It was simple, which didn’t surprise her since he had just barely moved into the apartment. After Kaidan closed the door he looked down nervously.  
“Dinner is finished…” he smiled as he looked towards the kitchen, “if you are ready of course.”  
“That sounds nice,” she smiled as he followed him into the kitchen.  
Kaidan of course pulled her chair out for her, which caused the commander to blush as she sat down. He pushed her chair in before pulling away to grab their food. After setting everything up he sat down, a nervous smile on his face. She noticed this and smiled to herself as she looked at what he cooked. It was lasagna. It was almost as if he had planned on having company. This made her wonder if he was planning all of this without her actually know it.  
“It looks amazing, Kaidan!” she mused as she went to take her first bite.  
“Thank you! It’s my first time making it…” he smiled nervously as he moved to take a bite himself.  
“Well, it’s good… But should I worry about whether I will get sick or not?” she teased gently as he glared at her playfully.  
“Commander, have you gotten sick from my cooking yet…?” he shot back with a smirk.  
“Not yet…” she laughed as she continued to eat her dinner.  
He just chuckled as he continued to eat.  
There was tension in the room, and Shepard didn’t know how to describe it. It was as if neither of them knew what to say or what to do other than eat their food. Neither of them did anything to remove the tension as they continued to eat- enjoying their meals.  
Shepard was the first one to finish, which made Kaidan smile.  
“Like it much?” he teased as he ate his last couple bites.  
“Yeah… it was good, thank you~” she smiled as she looked down at her plate, her hands resting in front of her on the table.  
Kaidan just smiled, reaching over and resting his hand on hers. He wasn’t sure what to say to her after what she had said earlier that day- especially since she went back on those words to be here tonight with him. He wasn’t sure whether to take that as a victory, or wonder why the commander was in his apartment.  
“Shepard, why is it that you texted me? I know it wasn’t for the calling tree; Joker already got with me about getting all my contact information…”  
Shepard’s face turned bright red at being caught red handed. Biting her lip she felt herself tense slightly as she mentally tried to figure out how to answer that question.  
“Kaidan…” she murmured as she looked up at him, her eyes instantly meeting his lips before looking into his eyes.  
He didn’t show it, but he noticed that pause- that single small moment of her staring at his lips, which made him smile slightly. It was validation that the commander in one way or another either felt the same way or was at least willing to see what ever this was.  
“Yes Commander?” Kaidan asked gently as he leaned in slightly, eyeing the commander’s lips slightly.  
“I just…” she noticed him staring at her lips and her heart began to pound as she bit her lip, moving in slightly as she looked down at his lips again, “I guess I just wanted to talk to you…”  
“That’s not a bad thing, Commander…” he stated gently, moving even closer to her.  
Their lips were now only inches from each other as they both just looked at each other. It was almost as if they were both waiting for the other person to make a move. Kaidan was scared that if he made the first move that he would either wake up and this would all be a dream, or that she would reject him and his advances. Shepard was scared that if she made a move that it would end up just being a one night stand and that she would have to stare at him every day and remember that.  
Kaidan was the one that finally made the first move, kissing her gently as his free hand moved- cupping her face. Shepard was shocked that he actually made the first move, but kissed him back after the shock wore off. The kiss was gentle at first, which was nowhere close to what the commander was used to, but as Kaidan moved out of his seat he deepened the kiss. Shepard welcomed this as she shifted to stand up, Kaidan pulling her body against his the second she was on her feet.  
“Kaidan…” she murmured between kisses as he backed her towards his room.  
“Hmmm..?” he asked gently, his kisses moving to her neck as she closed her eyes.  
“This isn’t going to be a one night stand… You aren’t getting past first base- second base if you are lucky…” she stated, sighing as he kissed her soft spot behind her ear.  
He just smiled against her skin, moving and kissing her again.  
“I’m glad that we are on the same page, Commander.” He smiled as he moved them so the back of her legs were against his bed, “Just stop me if you think I am going too far, Shepard.  
“Rowan.” She stated gently, “My first name is Rowan.” She murmured as she ran her fingers through his hair.  
This admission of her name only made Kaidan smile. It was a milestone to him that she was opening up enough to say her first name. He had been told many things about Shepard, but none of them ever included her first name- ever. Not even in his own research he did on the Commander for an English paper did anything ever say her first name. He wasn’t going to press as to why she didn’t tell people her first name; Kaidan just wanted to enjoy the moment and not ruin it.  
“Rowan… What a beautiful name.” Kaidan mused with a smile as he gently pushed her back into her bed, kissing at her neck again as she closed her eyes and tangled her fingers in his hair.  
“If you say so, Kaidan…” she murmured as he bit at her neck gently at that, earning a gasp as Shepard’s eyes shot open.  
“Kaidan!” she whimpered as she pulled at his hair slightly, earning a chuckle from Kaidan.  
“Rowan, believe what I have to say to you; I will never say anything I don’t mean.” He stated before kissing her again, pinning her hands to the bed.  
She kissed him back, her skin on fire. Shepard didn’t know very many people who had the balls to do what Kaidan was doing or to say what he had to her. Most people let the commander have her opinions and not fight her on it, but Kaidan made sure she knew when she was wrong.  
Was that why she was so attracted to him?  
She couldn’t answer that for herself as Kaidan deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping into her mouth. All Shepard could focus on was the way her body felt, and controlling herself so that this didn’t go past what it was at the moment. And with what Kaidan was doing, his hands roaming her body, keeping that control was much harder then she would have ever imagined as their tongues dances- fighting for dominance that Shepard wasn’t going to willingly give him.  
In the end her won out though as he pinned her hands above her head, earning a moan out of the Commander. This was when Kaidan pulled away, panting and blushing as he looked at the commander.  
“We should probably stop before this goes too far, Rowen…” he sighed, laying down next to her as she sighed in frustration.  
Yes, she was glad he had kept her words in mind. That he had actually respected what she wanted, but now she was turned on beyond belief and didn’t mind the idea of letting this go to at least third base. But was she ever going to tell him that? No. She just nodded as she closed her eyes, trying to figure out what she wanted to do next. Logistically this is normally where she would have gone home for the night.  
Yet the Commander didn’t want to go home. Going home was the last thing Shepard wanted; she wanted to stay here with Kaidan. Even if that meant one of them sleeping on the couch if he so preferred it. Of course her and Kaidan being separated was the last thing she wanted… Which was a surprise to the Commander. Usually when she spent the night, unless sex was involved, she slept in a different room then her partner or friend because she thought sleeping next to them was weird. Even when sex is involved she thought the entire idea of sharing a bed with someone idiotic.  
Who go which side? And what if the other person kicked in their sleep? Or if the person stole blankets in the middle of the night… Dear God she would kill the person she was sleeping next to if they snored. If they are in a different bed or in a different room she could at least drown them out, but next to her? It was like a suicide mission to do so.  
“So…” the commander stated, looking at Kaidan, “Logistically, what happens next..?”  
“Well, Rowen, we could cuddle and watch a movie… Or we could go to bed… Or if you so choose you can go home and pretend this never happened… preferably one of the first two options.”  
“Preferably.” She agreed as she moved, resting her head on his chest, “Watching a movie and cuddling sounds nice… Though it better not be a chick flick, Alenko… Or I will have to rethink this coming over thing.”  
This made Kaidan laugh as he wrapped an arm around her, kissing her forehead.  
“No worries, Commander, I don’t watch chick flicks.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! SMUT!!! SO MUCH SMUT AT THE END IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!! Kaidan and Fem Shep were arguing with me in my head over the agreed fact that they wanted to do the do... So it just kind of happened because I got sick of telling them no.. So yes, five chapters in you get smut.... Think of it as a Thanksgiving present? I can't make up a good excuse for it XD I just couldn't deny them the smut anymore because they have been fighting for it since the third chapter /.\

Shepard woke up in the middle of the night, the movie still playing, cuddled up in Kaidan’s lap. Smiling she leaned over, grabbing the remote and turning the movie off as she kissed at his neck gentle. It earned a groan out of him as he wrapped his arms around her. She chuckled to herself as she kept kissing at his neck- his eyes fluttering open as he tried to pull away.  
“Damn it, Shepard… You are asking for it…” he mumbled sounding tired as he rested his chin on her shoulder.  
Smiling she cupped his face and gave him a kiss.  
“We should go to your bed and actually get decent sleep, Kaidan… I don’t know about you, but I get horrible back pain and tension if I sleep on the couch.” She murmured as she moved to stand up, only to be pulled back into his lap.  
“Bed sounds awesome…” he murmured, picking her up bridal style as he stood up and started walking to his room.  
Shepard’s face turned bright red as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She wasn’t used to this. At all. The cuddling- actually willingly staying the night. She wasn’t sure if she was actually okay with this change or not. For now she would test the waters and actually see if she was okay with this, till she decided otherwise at least.  
Kaidan laid her down on the bed, pulling the covers down as he got in the bed with her and held his arms open, and invitation to cuddle with him. She took this in a heartbeat, cuddling into his chest as she closed her eyes. She knew they probably wouldn’t stay like this forever, but just the idea of being cuddled for a little bit by Kaidan seemed like a sweet dream.  
He wrapped his arms around her the second she was curled into him comfortably, closing his eyes and almost instantly going to bed after kissing the top of her head. Shepard was asleep almost as quickly. To her surprise her nightmares stayed away for the most of the night- staying away till it was almost morning and coming close to the time that Shepard should be waking up to get ready for work.  
Yawning she stretched out slightly as she noticed that her and Kaidan were still cuddling. He of course was now behind her, arms wrapped around her, but it was still cuddling. This little fact made her smile as she carefully lifted his arm so she could get up and get ready for work. Of course showering at his house seemed almost weird. Pausing as she sat up, looking between his bathroom and her keys she bit her lip.  
“You can you the shower if you want, Shep… I don’t mind…” he murmured as he rolled over, wanting to go back to bed because he didn’t have classes that morning.  
Blushing she smiled, leaning over and giving his forehead a kiss.  
“Thanks Kaidan…~” she stated gently before getting up to go to his bathroom and shower.  
“Don’t mention it… There should already be a clean towel on the counter… If not check the closet in there… I should have a couple in there…”  
“Thank you!” she called as she closed the door so she could get ready and he could go back to sleep. Kaidan of course rolled over and went back to sleep easily as she grabbed a towel from the closet since there wasn’t one on the counter.  
After locking the door she got undressed and turned on the water, realizing that her clothes for work were at home. She could change at the school, but she was pretty sure that everyone would question why she was in sweats when she went into her office to change. Wrinkling her nose she turned on the water and decided to not care. One night of good sleep was worth all the questions and the weird looks. At least Shepard thought so.  
Pealing her clothes off Shepard got into the shower. Not thinking about it started she started cleaning her hair with Kaidan’s shampoo. It wasn’t until she started washing the shampoo out of her hair that she realized this and cussed under her breath. Sleeping next to him was going to be bad enough, but showering and using his shampoo and soap? Shepard was going to smell like him and make this all worse.  
Part of her didn’t mind the idea of smelling like him; Shepard thought that he smelt nice. Unfortunately that also meant that everyone else would be able to tell that she smelt like her student. That is of course if they actually paid attention to it… And if she was lucky her uniform at school and the wind when she rode her bike to work would get rid of the smell so she didn’t have to deal with everyone questioning her smell.  
Continuing to shower she started to wash her body, wondering what he would think about her smelling like him. She had dated men who thought that Shepard even wanting one of their jackets was weird.  
Why am I even thinking about that?  
Shaking her head she finished cleaning her body and stepped out of the shower and started to dry herself off. Shepard could hear Kaidan snoring, which made her laugh to herself. Once her skin was dry she put her clothes back on and opened the bathroom door, moving over to his side of the bed and kissed his forehead.  
“See you are work, sleeping beauty.” She teased before going to grab her keys that were in the kitchen.  
Kaidan just grunted in response, rolling over as he continued to sleep.  
Grabbing her keys she sighed as she looked back at his room. It was still strange to her that last night even happened and that she willingly took a shower at his place. All those acts completely broke her rules, which she wasn’t sure where or not she was okay with that yet. Leaving his apartment she jogged down the stairs and too her bike, getting on and heading to the school since it was closest and she had a good chance of getting their early before her class came in and she wasn’t dressed for work. Parking her bike closer than usual she jogged into the building, heading straight for her office. The other two instructors gave her a weird look, giving each other a look before they went to their offices. She was just grateful that she had cancelled the drill practice for that morning so she wouldn’t have to be there before the butt-crack of dawn.  
Closing and locking her office door she went into the closet in her office where her uniforms were and changed, folding up her clothes just as if she were in basic and set them on the shelf before leaving her closet. Once her office door was open she noticed a couple of students that were giving her weird looks. She just brushed it off as she started walking towards her classrooms that she could get everything set up for her lecture that day.  
“Good morning, Commander~” Liara smiled as she walked into the classroom with Ashely.  
“Good morning, Miss T’Soni.” She stated as she continued to look for the page that she was supposed to be on.  
Liara noticed that her shirt was untucked and raised an eyebrow. The Commander was always meticulous about her uniform. Blinking a couple of times T’Soni sat down and watched Shepard. After a little while and seeing that she hadn’t noticed her uniform out of regulation Liara sighed.  
“Commander…?”  
“Yes…?” she asked, sounding slightly irritated as she continued to search for the lesson they were supposed to be on.  
“You’re shirt isn’t tucked in like it’s supposed to be, Ma’am… The regulations for battle dress-“  
“I know the regulations, Liara.” She growled as she moved to tuck her shirt in, “I’m just running late and trying to find what I need to teach this class… So if you wouldn’t mind keeping your comments to yourself that would be great.”  
Staring at her in awe Liara opened up her own book to get ready for class as Ashley sat down in her seat, coffee cup in hand. The group commander and the deputy were almost inseparable in class because they were in charge of everyone, especially in that flight because they were the commander and sergeant of the class. Shepard didn’t exactly like the duo, but it was the two cadets that were picked by Anderson before he retired, and she was stuck with them for a little while till she could replace them with people who were more deserving of the Group and Deputy positions.  
Finally finding where she needed to be she pulled away from her book, looking up to see how many of her students where in the room.  
That was the life changing moment that Shepard didn’t even know about as Liara stared at the Commander’s neck. Ashley and Liara looked between each other, whispering as they did so. The commander thought nothing of it, used to the two of them keeping to each other during class.  
The only reason the commander thought anything of it after a little while was the fact that students where giving her a weird look before taking their seats and talking amongst themselves. Shepard shook it off at first, but after a little while she left the class room and check the mirror in the hall way and froze. There on her neck was a hickey.  
A hickey. Kaidan left a hickey on her neck.  
Touching it she started blushing as she thought about it. This was the first hickey that the commander had ever received in her life that she actually ever had to sport around at the work place. Usually they were left places that people couldn’t see, but they didn’t go past kissing. That was all she could think about was him nipping at her neck last night and the fact that she was now sporting a hickey because of it.  
Cussing under her breath she walked back into her classroom, the students staring at her like deer in head lights. It was probably because none of the imagined the Commander having a life outside of this program- and until recently she didn’t really think she would ever have a life outside of this program.  
“If I hear a single comment about the hickey on my neck from any of you, I will have you running laps for the rest of the class, is that understood?” she stated, that being the start to her entire lecture.  
Some of the students laughed, others looking at each other as they tried to gauge if she actually meant it or not. After a second there was a collective, “Yes ma’am.” From the class, which put the commander at ease slightly as she continued on with teaching her portion of leadership.  
She was the only teacher that actually taught about leadership and tried to teach the students those qualities. Up until they were going up for picking for the over the summer leadership camp which put them in the senior class or not. She wanted to make sure that if any of them actually made it past her picking them for the leadership camp that they actually had decent leadership qualities.  
As she taught the class she could feeling Liara’s eyes on her. She wasn’t sure if she was glaring or staring at her hickey intently, but either way it made the commander feel uncomfortable. It was like she was under display and Liara was some person viewing an exhibit and was trying to decide if she wanted to buy that piece or not. Shivering slightly she closed her book.  
“That’s all I have for class today… So I expect that all of you will be at the social this Saturday. Your commander and deputy will brief you on it next class period… You are dismissed.” She stated before moving to leave the classroom.  
Students stood up to file out of the class, but it seemed as if Liara and Ashley stayed where they were, and the commander just left them be. She was pretty sure they were talking about something that had to do with her. Especially with all the rumors about Liara having a thing for her. Shaking her head the commander went to her office so that she could grab what she needed for the top staff meeting next period. She was glad that this was happening so that everyone knew what was going on, but with this new hickey and Liara now seemingly watching her like a hawk she didn’t know if she wanted to even show up for the meeting. Not with Kaidan there at least.  
Sitting down at her desk she took in a deep breath, trying to decide what her next move was as she heard a knock on the door. Jumping she looked up to Garrus leaning against the door frame with a slight smile.  
“Did I scare you, Commander?”  
“No, Varkarian… I was just focused on something… What do you need?” she asked gently as she looked up at him. He could see the distress in her eyes and tensed slightly- not sure whether to prod into what was wrong or just get to everything for the social.  
“You seem upset commander… But that isn’t what I’m here for… I’m here to discuss everything for the swing dance… But if you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you as a friend, Commander.” He stated gently as he watched her carefully.  
The commander just shook her head and sighed.  
“Thank you for the offer, Varkarian, but I’ll be fine so long as students decide not to pry into my life… Come on in and we can talk about the social.” She stated.  
Kaidan of course was meandering his way into the ROTC room because his next class for the day was the ROTC class period, and he wasn’t going to miss a chance to spend time with the commander even if his life depended on it.  
There wasn’t anyone in there that Kaidan actually knew all too well, but he sat down at the meeting table and watched everyone carefully. He wanted to start getting to meet everyone because he was over them and was there for them in the top staff since he mainly oversaw how everything with the cadets went as the Sergeant Major of the program.  
Joker walked over to him on his crutches and smiled, taking a seat next to him.  
“Glad to see that no one has scare you off yet, Gunny.” He smiled as he pulled out his laptop and everyone’s notes.  
Kaidan looked over at him and smiled.  
“You’re Jeff, right?”  
“Joker.” He corrected, holding out his hand, “I know we met briefly while I grabbed you’re contact information, Gunny, but It’s a pleasure to actually get to meet you.”  
“Pleasure to meet you too, Joker.” He smiled, shaking his hand.  
Kaidan had heard of Joker. He was training to be a pilot, which with the disease that he had was a major feet that he was even able to get them to let him into the pilots program in the first place. It was amazing to Kaidan that anyone had that determination to be a pilot in his position.  
“So what is it like overseas, Gunny? Bloody like everyone makes it sound..?”  
“Well… I was mostly on patrols… you know training and patrolling the areas around base… But I was involved in a few fire fights… They aren’t anything like people try to make them sound or like the movies portray them… I was honestly scared for my life every moment of my deployment… Only god knows when someone is going to try and over run your base, or when a regular patrol turns into a fire fight.”  
Joker nodded as he opened up his laptop and got everything ready for the meeting.  
“That’s what I assumed, but I wanted to hear it from someone who was actually over there… Not just some random cadet who thinks they know what it’s like over there because they have family who are enlisted.”  
Kaidan just smiled as he leaned back in his chair.  
“Deployments are the second most frightening thing I have faced in my life… The first being an angry woman… I will never be afraid of a deployment so long as I still remember the woman in my life when they are angry… there is nothing like a woman’s scorn, Joker…”  
Joker just laughed as he looked over at him.  
“Trust me, I know… This top staff feels like it is mostly woman… or at least it was for a while there. It is nice to have another guy on the staff.”  
“Isn’t it just Ashley, Liara, and Tali that are girls on the top staff…?” Kaidan asked as he raised an eyebrow.  
“Yeah... But Ashley and Liara are seniors like me... Back when I first got on top staff during my sophomore year it was me and Garrus on the top staff guy wise… Then a couple of the girls graduated, and then Wrex got into the program... So it was just all of us for a while before you transferred over.”  
Kaidan nodded as he watched everyone goofing off on the drill pad because the commander had let them out of class early. This wasn’t a sight that anyone was used to, and Kaidan could tell by how uncomfortable Joker seemed with all this crazy going on in the ROTC room.  
“So it’s evened out now, isn’t it…?”  
“Yeah, only because a lot of people are repeated on the top staff… Garrus, Ashley, and Tali hold most of the positions on top staff.”  
Tali walked up to them and sat across from Kaidan as she looked him over, trying to access if he would actually be good for his position.  
“What joker says is true... I’m the honor society president and the unarmed team commander… Ashely is the Group commander and Armed team commander, and Garrus is the Operations commander, runs the Color Guards, and is saber team commander.”  
Kaidan looked at her a little bit surprised at that. In his last program there wasn’t a single person who held more than one position in the program unless it was in the classroom, or in an after school program. Even then it was rare.  
Garrus walked out of Shepard’s office with a smile, his notebook in hand as Shepard closed and locked her office behind them.  
“Thank you for the help, Commander! I wasn’t sure I would know how to throw a swing dance, but it doesn’t seem as hard as I thought it would be now with your help!”  
“No problem Garrus… Just make sure to go over the plans with the top staff. I’ll be late if you will let everyone know, I need to go talk to someone really quick…” she sighed as he nodded.  
Joker and Kaidan watched her leave the room as Tali rolled her eyes.  
“What is with you people and the commander?”  
“She seems off today… Don’t you think so, Tali?” Joker asked as he looked back at his computer.  
“She seems normal enough to me.” Garrus lied as he sat down at the table.  
Tali and Joker both glared at him, able to tell when he was lying. Garrus was never a good liar, which was why everyone just laughed at him on the staff whenever he tried. Each of the staff members’ had their thing, and Garrus had a thing for not lying. It was an honorable trait that the instructors loved, but his staff member didn’t care for it so much… Especially not when it came to plans. Generally if a lie was to be told to the instructors about the plans Garrus was never put in charge of the event.  
“Garrus, you suck at lying.” Wrex stated bluntly as he sat down at the table with a thud, slumping in his chair as he glared at everyone slightly.  
Out of everyone, Wrex hated these meeting during school more than anyone. He didn’t mind them on the weekend, but for a class? He thought it was a waste of his credit hours. Tali agreed with him, but she wasn’t as apathetic about it as he was.  
“I do not!” Garrus blushed as he crossed his arms, “And who says I am lying? I’m the one who just spent the last hour in her office working out the plans for the social.” He stated matter of factly as he leaned back in her chair, “She’s just having an off day is all…”  
“I’d say.” Ashely stated as she sat down close to the end of the table, Liara sitting next to her in silence, “I’d be having a bad day if I came to school with a hickey on my neck, too!”  
“A hickey?!” Garrus asked surprised, “I thought it was a bruise from a fight or something knowing the commander…”  
“Nope, it’s a hickey..!” Ashley laughed as she pulled out everything she needed for the meeting, “I wonder who the poor sucker is.”  
“Yeah, they get to battle it out with shy little Liara for her attention.” Wrex chuckled as everyone chuckled slightly and Liara glared at everyone.  
“Guys, stop it.” Ashley growled as she grabbed her pen, “That sort of joke is inappropriate.”  
“Yeah, so is openly stating she has a thing for the commander while drunk at a party…” Garrus mumbled as he looked over at Kaidan who was trying not to laugh at the way they all talked with each other. It was like a dysfunctional family.  
“What is so funny, Kaidan?!” Liara hissed as she glared at him, noticing the smug look on his face. It made her want to punch him.  
“How much like a family you are… It amazes me… My last unit’s ROTC program didn’t ever have a staff like this! You all act like a dysfunctional family… so like any other normal family out there.” He smiled as he looked them all over, “It’s kind of a nice change.”  
“We kind of are a dysfunctional family, aren’t we..?” one of the instructors laughed as they sat down- the other instructor following him soon after.  
Once everyone except the commander was there Garrus spoke up.  
“Commander said she’d be back after she talked to someone… So she should be back before the end of the meeting. She wants us to start without her though.”  
“Then let’s get started, yes?” Tali asked as she pulled out her notes.  
With that the meeting started. There was much more talking things out instead of having Shepard make them pick things instead of spend forever on one thing. Of course this flustered the instructors who were used to a lot of order because of the way that Shepard ran things- and Anderson before her.  
After about twenty minutes trying to debate over the swing dance, Ashley trying ot get Garrus to change it to something else Shepard finally showed back up. She looked flustered and upset, but took her seat at the top of the table none the less and heard the debate over the social and glared at Ashley.  
“It was decided that it was a swing dance. Hold to it, Commander, or I will find someone else who can actually keep their mind made up to be the Group Commander.” She growled as she looked over the notes for the dance.  
All the cadets tensed at that. Shepard hadn’t been in a mood like this since their inspection that they almost failed last month. Ashley just looked down at her notes and nodded, instantly going over the agenda for the social to make sure that everything was already taken care of and would be there.  
Shepard didn’t like having to be stern and threaten positions, but after the talk she just had with Anderson over the results from their inspection that she was on the side lines for she was beyond upset. It amazed her that her cadet top staff was stupid enough to say what they said and to do what they did.  
“So, I know that some of the other ROTC’s at the school are planning a dinning in for their group…” Ashley started as Kaidan lit up slightly.  
“Dinning ins are actually a lot of fun if they are done right!” he smiled as Wrex and Joker looked at him surprised. It was the first time he actually put input into the meeting, “If you wouldn’t mind, Commander Williams, I would love to plan it if you would let me… Being active duty I have attended plenty of dinning ins to know how to plan one and make sure it’s fun for everyone.”  
Ashley looked over at Liara who shook her head. Sighing in defeat Ashley closed her eyes.  
“Alright, Alenko, you are in charge for planning the dinning in so long as it is approved by the commander.” She stated as she opened her eyes and looked at Shepard who was staring at Kaidan.  
“I… A dinning in sounds nice so long as there isn’t any alcohol involved… or anything illegal…”  
“Yes, ma’am!” Kaidan smiled as he wrote down in his notes that he needed to plan that.  
Shepard was surprised that he showed so much excitement over being involved in this staff when they were so disorganized. Smiling she started making notation that Kaidan would be her point of contact for that event, and to make sure that he got back to her on a date for that.  
As the meeting continued on Kaidan and Shepard seemed to talk things out better than anyone else and like they were on the same page, and Liara noticed this. It made her watch them and how they talked and acted with each other. That was when she realized what was going on and who that hickey on the Commander’s neck was from. Biting the inside of her lip Liara glared and Kaidan and didn’t really listen to what he had to say for the rest of the meeting.  
Ashley of course admired Kaidan for the initiative that he was showing- especially with him noticing on the chain of command that there was no one over logistics, offering to take it over- which the instructors approved.  
“Isn’t that an officer’s position.” Liara hissed as she continued to glare at Kaidan.  
“I’m only offering to take it over for the instructors’ until they find someone to take it over… I like my position as the Sergeant Major, and plan on staying enlisted in this program.” Kaidan stated bluntly as he glared back at Liara, not liking her attitude one bit.  
“Which is perfectly fine by both me and the instructors’, T’Soni.” Ashley stated as she clasped her hands together, “I don’t know if there is anything else that you need to talk about Commander Shepard, but we have gone over everything on the agenda for today’s meeting- plus some.”  
“No, I have nothing further.” She stated as Liara stood up.  
“Room, Attention!”  
The cadets on the top staff stood from their seats at attention, including joker- at least to the best of his abilities with his crutches. Shepard stood up and walked away from the table, heading to her office to put her things away. Once she was in her office Liara dismissed them, pulling Ashley to the side.  
Kaidan knew exactly what it was about; he could see her looking between him and Shepard the entire meeting. He was pretty sure that she connected the hickey on Shepard’s neck to him, which didn’t bother him at all; he was pretty proud of his work on Shepard’s neck to say the least. His only issue with the matter was that this could actually go back to the commander if they could actually prove there was something between the commander and him.  
Grabbing his bag Kaidan got ready for his Biotic’s class, his L2 model safely in his bag. He wasn’t going to pay attention to Liara or any drama that she tried to start; it wasn’t worth his time. He’d deny anything if he was asked for the commander’s sake, but other than that he didn’t plan on stopping what he was doing in the slightest. Sure he seemed like some infatuated teenager, but he knew it was more than that. There was a connection that he wasn’t going to ignore until she told him to stop or to back off.  
With the way things were going though he wasn’t sure that the commander would be telling him to back off any time soon. Shepard seemed pretty content when she woke up this morning. He could tell that spending the night wasn’t something she normally did- and neither was using their shower in the morning. He was for sure going to have to get her shampoo and soap for next time though unless she wanted to continue smelling him like she did.  
Kaidan wasn’t sure if anyone noticed the fact that she smelled like him, but he loved the fact that she did. It was kind of like giving a girl your jacket- it was your way of saying that they are yours. In its own strange way that’s kind what her smelling like him felt like to Kaidan.  
Once the bell rang Kaidan slung his bag over his shoulder, walking out of the class with Garrus and Joker- who were the ones that got along with him best out of the staff. Shepard watched this as her fingers gently ran over her hickey. Shaking her head she went back to work as one of the instructors entered her office, a coffee cup in hand.  
“Made just the way you like it, Shepard.” He smiled gently as he set it on her desk.  
Smiling up at him Shepard took it willingly, needing it after that meeting.  
“Thanks, Smith, I definitely need this…” she sighed before taking a sip and sighing happily. Shepard loved it when he made her coffee. It was made the only thing that she enjoyed out of their one night stand. A couple years back when she was stationed at the nearby base and they were just two officers’ working together.  
“No problem, Shepard.” He stated before leaving her office.  
It was weird to her that there wasn’t weird awkward moments between her and Smith, but she didn’t mind it and was actually very grateful that there weren’t those moments now that she was above him in rank and was his boss. Of course he was a little weird when it came to other people showing interest in her, but it was more like a protective older brother then a burned lover, which she appreciated.  
Continuing to do her work she was surprised when she got a text from Kaidan.  
‘Nice hickey you got going there, Rowan.’ Reading it her whole face went bright red.  
‘Thanks for giving it to me asshat- NOT!’ she sent back as she grumbled to herself, trying to continue her work as she slumped over in her chair trying to get comfortable.  
‘You seemed to like it when it happened commander… ;) you also didn’t seem to mind it all that much when you woke up cuddled up next to me… :)’  
Rolling her eyes she smiled, wondering what she could possibly say to him so that his ego didn’t inflate. Ignoring his text for a while she started grading some of her papers from her classes that Anderson assigned before he retired. Of course it was nagging at her that she hadn’t answered him, and it took everything for her to not flirt back with him during school hours. Shepard didn’t want to get caught with that stupid smile on her face and have Smith or someone else try and interrogate her over what she was smiling over.  
Giving in she grabbed her phone.  
‘Maybe(; another night like that sounds nice…’  
‘You’re house this time? Or my apartment again?’ Kaidan sent back almost instantly as she stared at it in bewilderment. Another night right after last night?  
Her neck was going to be covered in hickeys if he wanted to keep up with what they were doing- if she even let him kiss her again. Thinking about it she sighed.  
‘My place so that I can actually take a shower and not smell like you, Kaidan…’  
It took longer for him to reply to that one, which actually allowed her to get some work done. She was surprised at this as she graded paper after paper still with no answer. Looking at the time she gave up on him answering her, knowing that he probably wasn’t going to answer her any time soon. Though she was proved wrong, receiving a text while she was in the zone. This made her jump.  
‘Am I good to bring my stuff so I can shower? It’s okay for a girl to smell like her dude, but dude’s ain’t supposed to smell like their girl’s shampoo and soap.’  
She just stared at that, not sure how to answer. Was Shepard his girl? She wasn’t sure how to feel about adding title to this yet. After all they hadn’t known each other for more than five days and it was already going faster than she was used to.  
‘Sure, I’ll make sure to have a clean towel for you…’ she sent back, still not sure how she should feel.  
When the bell finally rang, signaling the next period she knew that she could go home today because today’s second class was canceled. This meant that she actually had time to clean her bedroom before Kaidan came over. Last thing Shepard wanted was for him to have to sleep on her bed with her when half of it had her laundry on it or her paperwork. It didn’t exactly make for a good night sleep for even her, and she was sleeping on the clean side of the bed.  
Rushing out of her office once the bell rang she chugged down the last bit off her coffee as she locked her office. Smith and Bare looked at each other before looking over at her. Shepard could tell that they thought something was up, but she wasn’t ready to let them interrogate her over it. She just wanted to enjoy her time with Kaidan as whatever this was continued to be whatever the hell it was.  
Putting on her cap and her battle dress uniform blouse she went outside, keys in hand as she jogged out to her bike. Shepard wanted to beat traffic so she at least had time to make things decent for Kaidan, and so that she could at least have some time before he came over to make sure that she looked decent.  
This was the first time in the commander’s life that she actually cared if she looked decent for another human being or not. Usually for dates she would dress however she wanted for it- even if it was something fancy (on the rare occasion that someone even took her out somewhere fancy). Yet here she was wondering if her hair was okay, and hoping that if she took it out of its bun that it would look decent.  
Speeding home she parked her bike in the barn before running inside to clean everything. To her knowledge he had a study period that he was supposed to be at after her class that was cancelled. So Shepard was hoping that he would actually just go to that instead of coming over or something early before she was expecting him.  
‘I’m in my study period… But I will see you when I get there after class :)’  
‘See you then~’ she sent back with a sigh of relief, cleaning her room at a slightly slower pace because she now knew that she actually knew that she had time to not stress herself out over her dirty room and her appearance.  
Once her room was clean she focused on actually making she looked decent, changing into a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt as she straightened her hair. She jumped when she heard a knock on her door, cussing as she finished the layer she was on really quick, glad it looked at least decent the way it was before jogging to the door and opening it.  
Kaidan of course was standing there in front of her, smiling like an idiot.  
“Wow, Rowan… You look nice... I like you’re hair down~” he mused as he reached his hand out and ran his fingers through her hair.  
She felt her stomach fill with butterflies at his complement as she smiled.  
“Thanks… Come on in~” she smiled as she moved out of the way.  
He of course willingly came inside, setting his bag down by the door.  
“Did you clean the house..?”  
“Maybe…” she mumbled as she crossed her arms. This just earned yet another smile out of Kaidan.  
“You are too cute, Shepard…” he mused as he closed the door and leaned in, giving her a kiss.  
Shepard of course kissed him back. This only fed into what Kaidan was doing as he wrapped his arms around her waist- pressing their bodies together. She of course fed into the kiss, her hands wrapping around his neck and shoulders as he moved to pick her up. Shepard wasn’t sure how it turned into this so quickly as he was carrying her to her room, but she honestly didn’t mind it.  
Tangling her fingers in his hair she pulled their lips apart for a moment as she looked at him.  
“Are you sure you want this..? You saw how Liara was today because of this… I wouldn’t blame you if you backed out so you don’t have to deal with the drama…”  
“And miss out with being with an amazing woman like you, Rowan? Not going to happen.” He stated gently as he pressed his lips back into hers, in which she melted into the kiss and let him continue to carry her away to her bed that was now clean.  
Laying her carefully down on the bed Kaidan moved so he was between her legs, still kissing her as his kisses moved to her jawline.  
“I swear to god if you bite me and leave another hickey…” she warned heal-heartedly as she closed her eyes, loving the feel of his lips on her skin.  
“I’ll leave it somewhere they won’t see it this time.. I promise…” he murmured as his kissed moved down her neck, his hand playing with the hem of her t-shirt. This made her tense up as she looked at him. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to go that far, but she wanted to so badly.  
Leaning forward she nodded, Kaidan instantly pulling her shirt off and kissing over her skin down towards her breasts.  
“Your skin is so soft…~” he mused gently as his hands moved along her sides lovingly.  
The way he was touching her body wasn’t something that Shepard was used to. She was used to people who were rough and just wanted a one night stand and for it to be done. Kaidan acted as if he was prepared to worship her body for hours just the way they were now. Like he was enjoying her just the way she was and would be content with this if this was as far as she let him go. Shepard loved the feel of having someone love on her verses someone who just wanted to fuck her and leave.  
“Kaidan…” she murmured as she felt goose bumps cover her skin.  
“Yeah, Rowan…?”  
“I…” she sighed as she tried to find her words, her mind going blank with every kiss her planted on her skin. That is until she let out of moan as he kissed the sweet spot between her breasts.  
This got Kaidan to pause what he was doing as he looked up at her, almost as if asking her for permission to continue. Shepard of course nodded, not wanting him to stop. It was a new sensation that she was absolutely in love with at this point as he kissed at her skin. With her permission he continued to kiss her skin, moving to unclasp her bra as she leaned forward again to make his life easier.  
Kaidan never thought he would be allowed to get this far with her ever- let alone now of all times, but between her noises and his own urges he couldn’t help himself as he continued to kiss over her skin, tossing her bra to the side as he rubbed at one of her breast as he sucked the free nipple of the other into his mouth. Shepard tensed and let out a small whimper at the feeling as she tangled her fingers in his hair. If he kept up what he was doing she was pretty sure they would be skipping dinner- even though she never planned on going that far this fast. Ever.  
As she pulled gently on Kaidan’s hair he moved his free hand behind her back, pulling her body closer to his as she wrapped her legs around his back. Shepard wanted the feeling of his body against her just as badly as he seemed to want it as he nipped at her nipple, earning a moan out of her. This only encouraged Kaidan to keep going as he switched breasts, kneading her breast that he had just been sucking on as he nipped at the other one’s nipple, earning yet another moan out of the commander. After a little while longer she started pushing at his chest, which he took as a sign to stop.  
“Yeah Rowan?”  
“Shirt off, now.” She ordered as she looked down at him.  
This order made him blush as she sat up and did what he was told. Once his shirt was off she pulled him straight back into a kiss, her chest pressing against his as he groaned against her lips. She could tell that they were both turned on beyond belief, and they were both getting to that point where they wouldn’t be able to turn back- this would officially become more than just kisses and some groping. That Shepard was completely sure off as he gripped at her hips, earning a whimper out of her.  
“Commander, if we keep this up I’m going to want to go for a home run…” he warned as she nipped at his ear lobe, earning a groan.  
“Then go for a homerun, Kaidan, I’m not stopping you tonight~” she purred in his ear.  
That was all he needed to hear as he kissed her passionately, undoing her jeans and pushing them down. Shepard kicked them off quickly as she fumbled with his belt. She had never wanted something so badly in her life that she made it this impossible to get it. Pushing her hands away he undid his belt for her, his cock pressed up against his jeans in a way that was making it hurt and he just wanted free.  
Once his belt was undoing she pushed his jeans and boxer briefs down so that he could kick them off. Just as quick as the kisses had started they were now in her bed, both of them stark naked, and enjoying the touch of the other’s skin on theirs as they continued to kiss, their bodies pressed together.  
“Ah~ Kaidan~” she whimpered as his cock pressed against her entrance.  
“Shhh… We’ll get there, Rowan…” he reassured her as he moved down her body, kissing every stretch of skin he could before he hit her hips. Kissing down Shepard’s left inner thigh Kaidan moved so his hands could still knead at her breasts- earning a gasp from her as he continued to kissing back up her thigh and across her hips over to her right thigh.  
“St-stop teasing me!” she begged as she felt herself getting wet.  
Kaidan only chuckled as he continued to kiss at her thighs, kissing back up them before kissing just below her naval.  
“Are you sure you want to do this? If I get a yes out of you now I won’t stop unless you tell me to, commander.” He stated gently as he looked up at her. This surprised her. She definitely wasn’t used to men who actually took what she wanted into perspective.  
“I’m sure Kaidan…” she smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair, “I’ll tell you if I want you to stop, I promise.” She reassured him as he nodded and kissed just below her naval again.  
With that he moved, this tongue licking her pussy lips as her gripped at her hips. Shepard closed her eyes as Kaidan continued to lick at her pussy, his tongue poking at her clit as she let out a moan. He teased her like this for a little while before sucking her clit into his mouth and sucked on his as the finger of his left hand moved, rubbing her lips as her moved his fingers passed her lips to tease her entrance.  
“Kaidan~” she whimpered as he groaned at how wet she already was.  
“You taste so good, Rowan~” he mused before going back to sucking on her clit, two fingers entering her as she gasped loudly, letting out a breathy moan as he started to move his fingers in and out of her body.  
Shepard couldn’t help it as her breath started to become shallow, whimpers and moans escaping her lips as he moved, trying to find her g-spot as he continued to finger her faster- adding another finger as he nipped at her clit gently. Letting out a loud moan she gripped at her bedding, letting out a scream of pleasure as his fingers curled and hit her g-spot. As soon as he got the reaction he was looking for her continued to hit that spot as he sucked a little harder on her clit, poking and prodding at it with his tongue. Her body began to shake as she let out moan after moan as he hit her spot- each moan sounding more like a scream of pleasure as he pressed harder and faster into her spot.  
“KAIDAN!” she finally screamed as her walls tightened around his fingers, her body shaking uncontrollably as she felt her orgasm built up- ready to explode as he kept going.  
Pulling his lips away from her clit he smiled.  
“Cum for me babe~” he purred, which sent her over the edge as she screamed his name, coming harder then she had in a long time.  
“Oh God~ Kaidan~” she moaned as he lapped up her juices, pulling away only when they finally stopped.  
“Feel good…?” he asked gently as he moved back up her body, his cock lined up with her entrance as she nodded breathlessly.  
“Oh God, yes…” she whimpered, pulling him into a kiss- not minding the taste of herself on his lips as she wrapped her legs around his waist to pull him closer.  
“We aren’t done, Rowan, I can promise that~” he purred as he kissed at her neck, biting it gently as he pushed his cock inside of her, earning yet another loud moan our of Shepard which filled him up with more pride then he ever thought possible.  
“Oh God! You are so tight~” he groaned as he moved, his arms wrapping around her body as he started to move inside of her, earning whimpers out of her because her body was still sensitive.  
He took this as a good thing as he started to move faster, his own moans and groans escaping his mouth at how good he thought she felt. Her walls were already tight around his cock, which was twitching inside of her as her came close to his own orgasm, which he was trying to hold back as he kissed over her body, earning more whimpers and moans from Shepard. Her body was so sensitive and her pussy so tight already that he wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to last as he started moving faster.  
Kaidan could tell that she was close to hitting a second orgasm with the way she was moaning and the way her body was tightening around her. Thrusting faster and deeper he let out a groan as he kissed her passionately.  
“Babe, do you want it inside of you?” he asked between panting breathes as she whimpered and moaned, her body writhing underneath him in pleasure.  
“I want it all inside of me~” she moaned which almost sent him over the edge as he closed his eyes, hitting into one of her sweet spots, earning a slight scream as he continued to hit into the spot hard and fast.  
“Kaidan! I- I…“ She whimpered as her walls tensed around him again as her orgasm neared. With every thrust he was sending her closer and closer to that edge of ecstasy that she never thought was possible, but he somehow brought her two, “AH~ KAIDAN~” she moaned as the pleasure rushed through her body, her second orgasm rocking her body as she writhed underneath him.  
Kaidan of course couldn’t hold it in anymore as he made one last deep thrust and shot his seed deep inside her with a moan, holding her body close to his as he kissed at her neck.  
Once they both came off of their high Kaidan pulled out, a content smile on his face as he pulled her into his arms.  
“Wow, Commander… I never thought our first time would be that…”  
“That what…?”  
“Passionate… I’ve never been with someone that I’ve wanted them to feel more pleasure then me… Usually it’s a one night stand and I continue on with life… But you leaving me hanging wondering when it’s going to happen again…” he murmured in her ear as he rubbed her back.  
Shepard just smiled as she snuggled into him.  
“That’s if you can earn a second round, Kaidan… you are going to at least have to take me on a couple dates to earn a second round…”  
“Then how about the swing dance social be our first date…? I’d be honored to have you as my dance partner, Rowan~” he smiled cutely, making her melt.  
“It’s a date, Kaidan~”


End file.
